Friday, May 30, 2008, 3:36 PM
When karma really hits.
To read about this whole entry;
yesterday i was out to meet afah and shakz. I didnt get any respond from jaza but i knew that farrah cuden make it since she got to studied.
So yeah, shakz and i left house at 6pm and meet afaahhh baby at 830 at marina LJS.
It was weekdays so most of the shop are close.
Accompany her and slack at marina step to meet up with wawan and adi.
Some shit happen, and we girls make a move to esplanade haagan dasz for our fondue , afah treat.
i was late cause i was settle things at marina step.
some guys are being irritating yeah.
and u know that night , i pretty cant wait to meet my boyfriend, and whenever he call my phone, i was so happy u noe.
mcm baru kenal2 eyyy. (:
i just miss him so much u noe.
met back with afah and shakz .
Afah wanted me to enjoy my day, and i did!.
thanks for the treat and we shall karaoke-ing and sleepover session eyy.
went back home arnd 1130pm.
i was having headache cos the taxi drove the taxi like roller coaster.
i sat and wait for baby at home.
i was like so excited to meet him cause i just miss him badly u noe.
he came arnd 1230pm. we watchded duyung at my room with zana.
he was hungry den and i cook for him like for the 1st time g2 cause im so lazy biasenye.
serious sakkkkkkkkkkkkk
den after he eat, he slept.
TODAY.
morning he woke me up,since he need to go to work.
he look at me differently.
i hold him and cried.
cause his leaving me again.
things started to get so rocky after he left.
we argue tru smses .
the 1st thing he said that hurt me was.
him. : preasure make my love towerds u fade. preasure make me leave.
and the 2nd thing was :Lynn, tk gune u nangis utk i. i da byk maen blakang u. i g KL dgn pompan i. im serious. im sorri.im sux. i do dis since u told me abt the countdown. since that ive never trust u in this r's till now. u may go. im nothing.
i swear i was in tears.
he called me and i cant eve stop crying asking him why he do dis to me.
what i deserve him?ive never lost someone so much for this 6mth.
even when im with my long lasting love my 3 years, i started loving him after 6mth.
i keepon asking myself why i deserve this.
i became so lost control.
and i keepon crying cos i cant help it.
why do i deserve this?
why im turning insane, why im turning into the old faizul that ive been with when he was just 18?
zana hear my conversation when i cry.
i cant even help it to let him go.
i love him so much bt why must he do this to me?
when he was away for 5days, ive been crying at home waiting for him.
but he was having fun with girls at KL.
WHY?
im totally shagged now.
i need to get out from this house.
life is unfair.
and mum, thanks for being there for me.
ure my mum, my friend. my everything.
i'll let things out to u slowly, cos i need plenty of time.
for now.
we're nothing.
why must the man that i love do this to me?
i know im ego.
but i dont wanna be me.
u know about me.
maybe u dont.
i cant help it and call faizul.
i cried and asked him,
" faizul im here to asked u a few question. dont worry i really wanna noe smthg."
him : HUH?what?what happen?
me : can i know why do u treat me dat bad last time? why u are so ego and try to kill urself and u noe how hot temper and crazy u are like jumping off the building infront of my eyes n hurting urself?
him : bcos that time i really love you. bcos i was ego and dont wanna lost u. bcos i really love u last time.and u're so playful.
why lynn?why are u crying?
me : why are things that happened to u before happen to my life now?its unfair.:'(
him : releks . bcos u love him so much thats why u tend to do all those stuff when ure upset. it may lead u to depression. what happen to u?
me : im starting to get so tense up when i feel that my boyfriend is leaving me. Im living with so much fear now and somehow i cant control my life. my lifes seem to be like the old u. i always tot of dying when im down. i tot of killing myself and i'll go insane when im in my bedroom. when i even hurt myself, and when my friend see what happen to me, they will say smthg like, " lynn kau giler ehhh?bodo kepe sak kauu buat bende2 bodo?hahahha"
i feel very upset when my friend laugh at me. i totally cant control myself when im in that kind of situation. ^^^^ u noe?and i keepon hearing voices around me that make me go..... u noe.
he : hey. i noe how it feels cause this things do exist. fuck them if they were to say ure crazy of something cause they dont know u. the real u. i believe u lynn, this is karma. remember when u did that to me, i was crazy very crazy bcos of the love that we had but u happily playing behind my back?
me : but its unfair. my life seems to be different. im like having so much fear and i'll start it off when im down or stress.
he:just releks ur mind and dont let ure body control u. thinking back is no point crying for the person who dont love u lynn.
me : he love me but he had never prove to me. action speaks louder than words. why is this happening 2 me?i hate to be me right now.
he : all u need was a shoulder to cry on. be with whoever u can and cry ur lungs out lynn. u need to releks . remember, only the both of us noes how it feels when love really drive us crazy. it can even affect our life. ingat allah lynn. be strong.
me : bt i cant help it.
and i was like crying non stop.
faizul and i are nothing.
yesh i hate him but i no matter what, his my history. we've been alot 2gather for like 3 years and only he noes the real me and me noes the real him. people who read my entry, its up to each invd if u guys wanna say anythg that u guys wanna say. i told u im weak, i cant even be strong can i noe i'll fall at night and things started of back 2 square one. thats why sometimes im always here for people explanation. i can hear people cries but i myself was in a difficult situation. lifes eh? what am i suppose to do now.
i miss him now.
we're nothing and i just hope he cud be happy with who ever he with now.
im traveling back to jw to meet him for my last time.
most people have attitude problem.
but remember.
no matter how bad people are.
they have reason to it.
if ure patience enough to sit and hear why does this happen to them.
maybe things can be solve. trust me.
ive never blame a bitch to be a bitch.
ive never blame a playboy when he became that shit.
ive never blame people when they are lying for something.
cause i know and believe that they do that with reason.
lifes unfair.
human being.
To read about this whole entry;
yesterday i was out to meet afah and shakz. I didnt get any respond from jaza but i knew that farrah cuden make it since she got to studied.
So yeah, shakz and i left house at 6pm and meet afaahhh baby at 830 at marina LJS.
It was weekdays so most of the shop are close.
Accompany her and slack at marina step to meet up with wawan and adi.
Some shit happen, and we girls make a move to esplanade haagan dasz for our fondue , afah treat.
i was late cause i was settle things at marina step.
some guys are being irritating yeah.
and u know that night , i pretty cant wait to meet my boyfriend, and whenever he call my phone, i was so happy u noe.
mcm baru kenal2 eyyy. (:
i just miss him so much u noe.
met back with afah and shakz .
Afah wanted me to enjoy my day, and i did!.
thanks for the treat and we shall karaoke-ing and sleepover session eyy.
went back home arnd 1130pm.
i was having headache cos the taxi drove the taxi like roller coaster.
i sat and wait for baby at home.
i was like so excited to meet him cause i just miss him badly u noe.
he came arnd 1230pm. we watchded duyung at my room with zana.
he was hungry den and i cook for him like for the 1st time g2 cause im so lazy biasenye.
serious sakkkkkkkkkkkkk
den after he eat, he slept.
TODAY.
morning he woke me up,since he need to go to work.
he look at me differently.
i hold him and cried.
cause his leaving me again.
things started to get so rocky after he left.
we argue tru smses .
the 1st thing he said that hurt me was.
him. : preasure make my love towerds u fade. preasure make me leave.
and the 2nd thing was :Lynn, tk gune u nangis utk i. i da byk maen blakang u. i g KL dgn pompan i. im serious. im sorri.im sux. i do dis since u told me abt the countdown. since that ive never trust u in this r's till now. u may go. im nothing.
i swear i was in tears.
he called me and i cant eve stop crying asking him why he do dis to me.
what i deserve him?ive never lost someone so much for this 6mth.
even when im with my long lasting love my 3 years, i started loving him after 6mth.
i keepon asking myself why i deserve this.
i became so lost control.
and i keepon crying cos i cant help it.
why do i deserve this?
why im turning insane, why im turning into the old faizul that ive been with when he was just 18?
zana hear my conversation when i cry.
i cant even help it to let him go.
i love him so much bt why must he do this to me?
when he was away for 5days, ive been crying at home waiting for him.
but he was having fun with girls at KL.
WHY?
im totally shagged now.
i need to get out from this house.
life is unfair.
and mum, thanks for being there for me.
ure my mum, my friend. my everything.
i'll let things out to u slowly, cos i need plenty of time.
for now.
we're nothing.
why must the man that i love do this to me?
i know im ego.
but i dont wanna be me.
u know about me.
maybe u dont.
i cant help it and call faizul.
i cried and asked him,
" faizul im here to asked u a few question. dont worry i really wanna noe smthg."
him : HUH?what?what happen?
me : can i know why do u treat me dat bad last time? why u are so ego and try to kill urself and u noe how hot temper and crazy u are like jumping off the building infront of my eyes n hurting urself?
him : bcos that time i really love you. bcos i was ego and dont wanna lost u. bcos i really love u last time.and u're so playful.
why lynn?why are u crying?
me : why are things that happened to u before happen to my life now?its unfair.:'(
him : releks . bcos u love him so much thats why u tend to do all those stuff when ure upset. it may lead u to depression. what happen to u?
me : im starting to get so tense up when i feel that my boyfriend is leaving me. Im living with so much fear now and somehow i cant control my life. my lifes seem to be like the old u. i always tot of dying when im down. i tot of killing myself and i'll go insane when im in my bedroom. when i even hurt myself, and when my friend see what happen to me, they will say smthg like, " lynn kau giler ehhh?bodo kepe sak kauu buat bende2 bodo?hahahha"
i feel very upset when my friend laugh at me. i totally cant control myself when im in that kind of situation. ^^^^ u noe?and i keepon hearing voices around me that make me go..... u noe.
he : hey. i noe how it feels cause this things do exist. fuck them if they were to say ure crazy of something cause they dont know u. the real u. i believe u lynn, this is karma. remember when u did that to me, i was crazy very crazy bcos of the love that we had but u happily playing behind my back?
me : but its unfair. my life seems to be different. im like having so much fear and i'll start it off when im down or stress.
he:just releks ur mind and dont let ure body control u. thinking back is no point crying for the person who dont love u lynn.
me : he love me but he had never prove to me. action speaks louder than words. why is this happening 2 me?i hate to be me right now.
he : all u need was a shoulder to cry on. be with whoever u can and cry ur lungs out lynn. u need to releks . remember, only the both of us noes how it feels when love really drive us crazy. it can even affect our life. ingat allah lynn. be strong.
me : bt i cant help it.
and i was like crying non stop.
faizul and i are nothing.
yesh i hate him but i no matter what, his my history. we've been alot 2gather for like 3 years and only he noes the real me and me noes the real him. people who read my entry, its up to each invd if u guys wanna say anythg that u guys wanna say. i told u im weak, i cant even be strong can i noe i'll fall at night and things started of back 2 square one. thats why sometimes im always here for people explanation. i can hear people cries but i myself was in a difficult situation. lifes eh? what am i suppose to do now.
i miss him now.
we're nothing and i just hope he cud be happy with who ever he with now.
im traveling back to jw to meet him for my last time.
most people have attitude problem.
but remember.
no matter how bad people are.
they have reason to it.
if ure patience enough to sit and hear why does this happen to them.
maybe things can be solve. trust me.
ive never blame a bitch to be a bitch.
ive never blame a playboy when he became that shit.
ive never blame people when they are lying for something.
cause i know and believe that they do that with reason.
lifes unfair.
human being.
