Thursday, February 19, 2009, 2:56 AM
at times i told myself i wont give up,
i wont give up bcos i know this is what i want badly.
but on the second hand, i feel restless.
i find that the thing that im chasing for, the thing that im not giving up turns out to be nothing. It seems like all my effort are gone just like that.
im trying very hard, im trying my best to do whatever i can.
be patience and just everything and yet nothing are shown.
that is when i tell myself im giving up.
bcos this wasen the only time that happen to me.
arghhhhh. you wont know the full shit about me.
but,
Its okay if i were to put on a fake smile everyday,
to tell everybody that im alright.
bcos im trying my best to really smile, to really cheer up and get out from the terrible shit that ive been tru this past few days.
that is why ive been spending my time with my bestfriend and my close friends this few days.
and further more when mummy talk to me ytd about some issue,
that she dont want me to fail her down one day,
she dont want me to crash her heart one day
and make mummy cry and very sad one day,
i feel very guilty than ..
becos i know mummy love me and it hurts mummy
when ive been avoiding her this few days.
ive not been talking to her and ive been doing things according to my taste.
just leave as i like without informing her.
i didnt even talk to her when she's alone,
i feel bad.
i did that bcos i cant think of anything.
i cant feel anything accept for the pain and those heartache.
things are making me go crazy and thats the reason why i cried every night,
why i have sleepless night.
but im thankful that no matter how many friends ive lost,
even if b really throw me far away from his life,
i still have my mummy.
even if one day ive to leave everything far behind,
im still gona be with mummy.
bcos im mum's daughter.
bcos i love my mum.
i dont know why im saying this.
and i dont know why im crying now.
i feel restless.
i wont give up bcos i know this is what i want badly.
but on the second hand, i feel restless.
i find that the thing that im chasing for, the thing that im not giving up turns out to be nothing. It seems like all my effort are gone just like that.
im trying very hard, im trying my best to do whatever i can.
be patience and just everything and yet nothing are shown.
that is when i tell myself im giving up.
bcos this wasen the only time that happen to me.
arghhhhh. you wont know the full shit about me.
but,
Its okay if i were to put on a fake smile everyday,
to tell everybody that im alright.
bcos im trying my best to really smile, to really cheer up and get out from the terrible shit that ive been tru this past few days.
that is why ive been spending my time with my bestfriend and my close friends this few days.
and further more when mummy talk to me ytd about some issue,
that she dont want me to fail her down one day,
she dont want me to crash her heart one day
and make mummy cry and very sad one day,
i feel very guilty than ..
becos i know mummy love me and it hurts mummy
when ive been avoiding her this few days.
ive not been talking to her and ive been doing things according to my taste.
just leave as i like without informing her.
i didnt even talk to her when she's alone,
i feel bad.
i did that bcos i cant think of anything.
i cant feel anything accept for the pain and those heartache.
things are making me go crazy and thats the reason why i cried every night,
why i have sleepless night.
but im thankful that no matter how many friends ive lost,
even if b really throw me far away from his life,
i still have my mummy.
even if one day ive to leave everything far behind,
im still gona be with mummy.
bcos im mum's daughter.
bcos i love my mum.
i dont know why im saying this.
and i dont know why im crying now.
i feel restless.
