Tuesday, April 7, 2009, 1:28 AM
Ive always hope that things gona be better for you, and me.
and ive always think that we can still be together and more better as before.
how hard ive struggle through, ive never ever give up.
Even if i fall once, i tried to fight those feeling and stand up right and i told myself,
we can make it. we need time, im giving you space,and i am still waiting as that is what you want.
i tried my best to understand you,
and tried my best to really understand you.
i can see that u want space, and u want freedom.
just like i do.
you wanted me to change and you wanted me to wait for you,
but i didnt see that you are striving for it.
you want me too, but u did nothing and do things just as you wished.
and you know that somehow, we're still "together" even tho we're not together.
shit things, negative thinking have always been playing in my mind.
and that is when i feel lost.
i do stuff without thinking, and i do stuff without thinking about anything.
i wasen myself.
but at one point of time, i woke up and realize that whatever im doing is wrong.
i did things because i want happiness.
i want to be happy.
i wanted to be happy and i dont want to cry.
i dont want to feel the heartache.
i want to avoid from being so pressure.
but i know whatever im doing is not what i ever wanted,
because i know, its only you that i want.
because you gave me happiness.
but when i look at you now,
even tho im waiting for you here.
i see nothing, i see that u can still manage ure life and ure still happy even without me around.
that is when i feel hopeless, and restless and i just find that..
everything is just a bullshit.
i was very dissapointed of what u think about me, dear you.
you think that im behaving like a bitch.
and that is what you always think about me.
yesh, when im lost i did thing without thinking,
but i know what im doing.
and im not as what you think i am.
and it hurts me when someone think that way about me,
you know.
now im having this weird feeling,
it seems like things are gg to be back like how i feel 2werds my other exbf.
i feel nothing and look apon u as a stranger now.
it hurts me to see things are really drfiting apart,
there's no more love in us.
just the feeling of missed.
and asked yourself why i feel this way,
its all bcos of you who make me feel this way.
now,
u choose to avoid me.
and its okay.
remember when u say things out of anger?u say shit dat really hurt me so so much.
but when i say shit of anger, u take in all those words and now ure avoiding me.
what should i do now?
didnt im the one who always beg for you.
didnt im the one who have always been crying for you.
didnt im the one who have always be calling you and keepon apologising and say sorry and keepon texting you.
even if it is ur fault or mine, ive always been fighting for it baby.
but never you.
so should i still all those things now?
im very dissapointed and restless now.
i rather be the old me, and seriously for as much as how guys want me badly now.
i take love as a bullshit.
i take someone who say ,'i like u or i fall in love with you" is a bullshit.
and yesh, love is blind.
nothing in this world is fair.
when you asked me, who is the first person i knew whats love is.
when you asked me, who is my first love.
the answer is him.
even tho im with faizul for three years and who ever ive ever been with,
this is the men that ive first very deeply in love with and never ive once think that i want to disapointed with.
and i believe, every relationship have their good and bad times together.
and ive have mine too.
until love started to drift apart .
this is the guy,muhdfadhli.
im out now.
