Because of you , im who i am now.

2009-10-06T19:20:00.003+08:00

If your boyfee really loves you, he wont fuck behind ure back.If your boyfee really love you, he wont ignore you even just a moment. If your boyfee really love and treasure you, he wont fuck other girls even you dont let his dick into ur pussy.And if your boyfee really love you, he wont keep any secret.be it this and that but he'll be close to ur heart. And if your boyfee still feel sucks,stuck,keeping feelings to himself. dont you think he really love you?
Wait! does every human need only love in a relationship, be it friendship, family and friends. Do you only need love? Love to self, only?
its a good thing if someone shows to you that he/she really love you. But at times, expressing love to only you, care and attention to only you as in really only you, you tend to feel insecure .

there's always advantages and disadvantaged at every single thing.
hmm. but whatever it is, dont force love.

im am someone who can understand things that human face through.
how hard my life is right now,
im going through it patiencly and well yeah; its never easy.

yesh, im a strong believer in karma. however, its happening to "people" life. And if you were to asked me," you believe in whats goes around comes around, karma. so it means that u'll ,u know have a intention to do it right now?err u noe what i mean?"

i believe that im a shit as shit person last time. But im no longer the old lynn that you know, no longer the old lynn that the other person know too. If you think im really a bitch and whatever words, think. (:
i just wanna say , i hope im going to the right way now. And i do sincerely love my boyfriend..

2009-09-16T12:59:00.001+08:00

i shall just sit and watch how far you can go.
and at the end of the day,
i shall see who came crawling back and seek for forgiveness.
enjoying life.
(:
random.

2009-04-20T23:31:00.003+08:00

i wish i could stop ,
and rewind back to the past.
where the is still you & me.
laughing and crying away.

n o t h i n g in this w o r l d last.
goodluck to you dearest.

2009-04-15T03:09:00.006+08:00

i'll leave my blog this way,
so that you people can leave a msg if you want to find me.
and of cause i wont be blogging here.

since its the 15th of april today,

happy 19th birthday to me.
i was in tears every now and than and im sorry people if you find me irritating when you know my tears worth nothing.

it hurts me deeper when my birthday have finally arrive.
and
just as i open my door ,my family where there singing me a birthday song with the birthday cake..
i hold up the cake, i blew it with babygirl adriana and i blew it with tears right infront of them.
i cant stand it, i really cant stop those tears.

just as the clocked strike 12am.
tears started to roll down from my eyes.
why does the birthday girl cries on her happiest day?

the answer will be with me,
and you may never know how much deeper it hurts me.
adding on to the msges that came rolling in that really touches my heart..

once again,
happy 19th birthday to me.

you are one of my wish that ive wishes for.

f a r e w e l l.

i was very surprise to get wish from people who i didnt expect to wish me.
also like my gf friend who know me, all those unknown no. ..
somehow most of the msges make me cry even more.
and really, thanks so much for the wishes and trying hard to cheer me up.
ure wishes make me smile, at least.

to this people.

-afah baby
- khadijah schoolmate
- don kecik.
- maziz mr skinny
- shakz kimchi
- ain
- wan ns , maziz friend
- zul faradila boyfriend
- faradila
- sara , fara gf
- syaz kecik
- munnie love
- raiz homies
- harry homies
- farhana blush
- fandi zana ex bf
-anthony
-isha love
-wan homies
-supersha
-ciko
- bennie
-faizul ex boyfriend
-pyn ex boyfriend
- boy marino
- farrahrocher
- nur farhan
- aminah cinta
- rofian
- wan gileria
- kiki bby
- khairul izul shah
- ninie , khairul gf
- apish farrell
- ait
- firman skinhead
-muzzamil
- khairul drz
- erfahana schoolmate
- aniza
- farha
- nazmi
- aula n friends.
- hafidz
- jaza ul
-kin schoolmate

and more.
thanks for the wish.
and im still sad,
and still crying and crying and crying.
i just dont know why.

but i am really surprise when some people did call n msg me like all those if u read the name up der and you knw who, i am very shocked.
and i didnt even keep in ctct with them either.
again, thankiu so much.
and the msges n call stop till 12pm,
and yet i am still very sad because....

again, thanks so much.
link me at my private blog and leave me ur email.
thanks.

2009-04-11T01:49:00.004+08:00

dear readers and silent readers.
this gona be my last entry before i'll delete this blog & friendster.
due to some reason, like again.

it have been proven,
that you want things to be this way.
i'll try my very best, since this is what you want.

its 11th of april people..
it have been two month im stuck,
and i am still stuck and just feeling restless and hopeless.

i cant do anything.
and force anything.

4 more days to my birthday,
im not looking forwerd for anything.
either looking forwerd to celebrate it.
and u gona be part of my wishes.

i just want you to know,
i love you very much fadhli.
thats all.

:(

2009-04-10T15:06:00.000+08:00

after some times i tried my best told hold my tears and not to think of anything,
i suddenly burst into tears and im feeling the pain now.
its only afternoon now.

2009-04-10T04:08:00.003+08:00

10th of april,
marks my 16monthsary.
and i'll never forget this date and the day that we've been together.

how far you go,
i hope god will open up ur heart and ur eye,
and let you see things clearly without any misunderstanding.
and let you realize that,

what you have been thinking is wrong.
only if you can see how hard im going through,
only if you can feel what im feeling now and than.
maybe that is when you can know,
how much ive been yearning for ur old love,
how much ive been suffering and crying every single day.

nothing in this world is fair.
and its unfair for me to go through this thing alone.

11th of april,
gona mark our 2mth of seperation.
how does it feel when you look back at those time when we go through thick n thin together,
and than u came to realize that things are gone now.

remember how happy we are when u are by my side,
and when ive been the cutest and irritating gf uve once have?

remember those times when we go through hard times together?
when i really really really need you to be with me, and make me forget what had happen and go thru hard times together.
all those cries,
all those fear,
all those everyday arguement
until you get sick of my cries.

have i ever really really give up on you ..
do i always mean what ive said.?

ive never expect you to be the romantic n the sweetest guy ever.
bcos all i ever need is to feel ure love,
to feel the love from a man that i love and with, dgn keikhlasan.

do you know whats the feeling of a broken hearted girl.

2009-04-09T01:20:00.002+08:00

sick.
might be gone for good.

2009-04-07T01:28:00.004+08:00

Ive always hope that things gona be better for you, and me.
and ive always think that we can still be together and more better as before.
how hard ive struggle through, ive never ever give up.
Even if i fall once, i tried to fight those feeling and stand up right and i told myself,
we can make it. we need time, im giving you space,and i am still waiting as that is what you want.

i tried my best to understand you,
and tried my best to really understand you.
i can see that u want space, and u want freedom.
just like i do.

you wanted me to change and you wanted me to wait for you,
but i didnt see that you are striving for it.
you want me too, but u did nothing and do things just as you wished.
and you know that somehow, we're still "together" even tho we're not together.

shit things, negative thinking have always been playing in my mind.
and that is when i feel lost.
i do stuff without thinking, and i do stuff without thinking about anything.
i wasen myself.
but at one point of time, i woke up and realize that whatever im doing is wrong.

i did things because i want happiness.
i want to be happy.
i wanted to be happy and i dont want to cry.
i dont want to feel the heartache.
i want to avoid from being so pressure.
but i know whatever im doing is not what i ever wanted,
because i know, its only you that i want.
because you gave me happiness.

but when i look at you now,
even tho im waiting for you here.
i see nothing, i see that u can still manage ure life and ure still happy even without me around.
that is when i feel hopeless, and restless and i just find that..

everything is just a bullshit.
i was very dissapointed of what u think about me, dear you.
you think that im behaving like a bitch.
and that is what you always think about me.

yesh, when im lost i did thing without thinking,
but i know what im doing.
and im not as what you think i am.
and it hurts me when someone think that way about me,
you know.

now im having this weird feeling,
it seems like things are gg to be back like how i feel 2werds my other exbf.
i feel nothing and look apon u as a stranger now.
it hurts me to see things are really drfiting apart,
there's no more love in us.
just the feeling of missed.
and asked yourself why i feel this way,
its all bcos of you who make me feel this way.

now,
u choose to avoid me.
and its okay.
remember when u say things out of anger?u say shit dat really hurt me so so much.
but when i say shit of anger, u take in all those words and now ure avoiding me.
what should i do now?

didnt im the one who always beg for you.
didnt im the one who have always been crying for you.
didnt im the one who have always be calling you and keepon apologising and say sorry and keepon texting you.
even if it is ur fault or mine, ive always been fighting for it baby.
but never you.

so should i still all those things now?

im very dissapointed and restless now.
i rather be the old me, and seriously for as much as how guys want me badly now.
i take love as a bullshit.
i take someone who say ,'i like u or i fall in love with you" is a bullshit.
and yesh, love is blind.
nothing in this world is fair.

when you asked me, who is the first person i knew whats love is.
when you asked me, who is my first love.
the answer is him.
even tho im with faizul for three years and who ever ive ever been with,
this is the men that ive first very deeply in love with and never ive once think that i want to disapointed with.
and i believe, every relationship have their good and bad times together.
and ive have mine too.
until love started to drift apart .this is the guy,
muhdfadhli.

im out now.

2009-04-05T20:55:00.003+08:00

i dont know whats going on.
but i know im missing someone so much like that.
sheeshhhh
:(

i say things out of anger.
but somehow ,i dont know whats gg on in my mind.
im feeling so hopeless now.

2009-04-05T16:07:00.001+08:00

im outs.!

2009-04-04T23:14:00.002+08:00

hello hello hello.
its saturday today and ive been spending my time sleeping at home all day today.
and its 11:14pm now,
and im currently shaking legs and thinking what should i do later.
khairul give me a phone call, and he'll be coming to meet me later. and the rest are gg fern vale for mat rempit?prfffffttttt~.

bored.bored.ive been missing someone so so much.
:(
anw you know, recently ive been saying ,
im sick of guys.anything new??hahahaha.
somehow i do think that way , as in.. errr you know.
hahahahahahahahahaahhaha.

and than, its like ive been laughing my ass out when people asked for my no. you know,
you know why?
bcos i'll say something like, "sorry im a lesbian.".. :)

and they have been telling me all sort of shit,
some like, "" im a gay. u mind?"
or some like, " im a gay. so i dont think u wud mind right?"
and than i'll start laughing my ass out.
SHAKZ, IF URE HERE BY ME , IM SURE WE GONA ENJOY THIS SHIT 2GATHER MEN.

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHH!

so here, theres this guy at my msn..
i dont like him bcos his irritating.
i dont find it good blockin people and so,

A s h, cinta says:
just nt interested with guys already
(:
Mizuhashi sama says:
y ar/
u cant leh
so u think i same ngan laki2 laen?
A s h, cinta says:
just not interested with all guys or into a r's with guys already.
u dont know meh?im a lesb now.

You have just sent a nudge.

A s h, cinta says:
abeh diam.?
Mizuhashi sama says:
hahaha
sorie
i was helping my dad wif his new fon
y tiba2 change to lesbian/
A s h, cinta says:
idk. :)

teros dier diam.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAAHHAA.
OH DEAR.
ullie," nak jadi lesb tapi suro call lesb takot"
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

i miss SHAKZ!

2009-04-03T04:28:00.002+08:00

dear you,
im gona miss you so much and will pray that u''ll come back home safely.
(:

2009-04-02T19:06:00.001+08:00

" i know you want me, you know i want cha.
i know you want me, you know i want cha. "

calle ochooooooooooooooooooooo.
the sex!
:)

2009-04-01T21:43:00.005+08:00

its 1st of april today and its april fool day.
suke ehh org bodo-bodo kan org.
suke suke suke suke.
lols.
gheessshhhhhh.

okay im taking things easy now, let rock and roll and dont think too much.
:)
yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

2april.

time checked: 1:35am now.
as usual, i got a hard time in sleeping at this hour. i just put down the phone and ive just finish crying?errrrrrr ya....and im having this stupid fluuu now. and its like irritating to the core and i really really hate fluu and sore eye.its worse than having a fever you know. gheesh.
im missing my friends now.
im missing my bestfriends, both imah & khairul izul shah.
and im missing my dear homies who is the top from the rest or whoever i have.
i just missed them so so so much.
and if u guys are reading this, ive never forget you guys. and you know i love you guys so much. ecp the close one :)

anw, i have this conversation with my friend who asked me out the other time.
" him : besok kluar kan g town what u wear?
me : slack uh abeh?
him : slack tu as in?
me : tgk uh shorts or what with flipflop.
him : ey you. pakai betol2 la. gi town seh bukan g hougang mall seh.
me : iyer?nak kene lawa-lawa ke?
him : abehhh? "

than at one moment i laugh.
you know, you hardly see i wear like really dress up and etc etc like you do.
most of the time you'll see me wearing shorts, (which people say its hotpants but when i everyday used to wear short+hot pants, i no longer see them as hotpants already.ahah), speghetti or whatever tops with... FLIPFLOP. and its like u'll hardly see me wear shoe or pumpshoe or really dress to the max and that happen only like once in a blue moon .
bcos im lazy.
im really lazy when it come to this.
bcos, i'll always wear what im comfortable with like just the usual "pants, surftbrand tee's , the surfbrand and the ripcurl or whatever flipflop".
kate sufergirl, abeh mcm tk tau.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH.
okayy okayy save you comment.
im lazy la. dats all.
seriously im fucking lazy when it comes to dressing up.
:) :) :)

and than, i like terditch that guy , that friend of me and i feel fucking bad about it.
gheesh.
terditch okay.
(ade such thing ke?)
hehehehehehehheeheheheheheheh
and my bestfriend know me the best about this small shit. haga,

and its 1:50am now,
i want ice milo but im afraid of dark and zana haven come back yet.

i somehow miss having a boyfriend and call him my own.
i really miss having a boyfriend you know you know.
miss holding hands, going out togather and etcetcetc...mentalkannn aku.hehehehehe

but at the end of the day, im not surprise by what guys gona say bcos i already get used to it until im getting sick of it already.
so, anything new?
i miss this guy v v very much.

2009-04-01T14:16:00.002+08:00

oh dear.
i feel as if im being used !
used as in not that kind of "used" but you know,
damn fuck ittt.
im feeling shitty like again & again.

and i dont know what to do.
i dont even know why i feel that way,
but i am feeling that way.

its so super sucks now.
pls spare a thought for me,
you left whenever you like.
come whenever you like,
i got feelings you know.
and i feel so uneasy + dissapointed + angry + complicated+ sad +lost + i feel like wanna cryyy :'(

go and let stupid chicks ride your bike.
YUCKS.

2009-04-01T00:23:00.002+08:00

im very very very sad and dissapointed.
and lost.
and now,everything is back on my stupid mind now.
super sucks.
:(

2009-03-31T19:17:00.004+08:00

somehow i hate to have this feeling.
& i swear i fucking hate it when i text or call you seems not to bother.
u asked me to wait for you, yesh im waiting for you and trying to understand you.
but somehow i feel like as if you turn to me only if you want to,
if not than u can just simply ignore me for the whole day or what so ever.
and you find me again when you want too.

and like, what im supposed to do?
when everythg i do seems to be so so wrong.
do you know how it feels?
if you think its beta off for me to move on,
i dont mind cause i rather be the old lynn than getting hurt by the people whom i love so dearly.
i rather be the old me, and seriously lets fuck it about what ure saying.
bcos u prove me nothing.

this is what i get by being so nice and so weak?
fuck it men.
why cant i just be happy with what i have.
and be happy with the one i love.

stupid.

2009-03-31T00:21:00.003+08:00

31th of march.
HAPPY 39TH BIRTHDAY BELOVED MUM!
semoga panjang umo dan murah rezeki,
and i hope u'll enjoy ure day today.
(:
i love you mum.
you are the impt person in my life whom i love and treasure the most.
:)

time checked: its 12:27am.
WHERE'S DADDY?
WE GONA HAVE A MINI SURPRISE CELEBRATION FOR MUM.
AND MUM IS SOUNDLY SLEEPING NOW.
prftttttt
:):):):)

and 15 more days to my 19th birthday !
:)

2009-03-30T01:57:00.000+08:00

okay lynn is very very very angry now.
and starting to behaving like one fucking minah.
very angry.

2009-03-29T20:29:00.011+08:00

Sunday.
After a few month ive last went sentosa, i decided to go today with just me & isha, only us.
Ive planned and pass around the msges to the rest of the mighty-s but since most of them cant make it, we still go on with just the two of us.
isha: kalau tunggu semue org sampai bile2 pon tk jadi.
as you know, we understand that everyone have their own things to do.
bf,other friends, work and school and everyone knows how much we misses each otha.
and what i must say is that, both isha and i were really glad if you girls turn up today and enjoy the fun moment that we have, tanning sambil berdansa, (mcm mane tuh)
and ive find a perfect fav spot for tanning session now.
(silosooooooooooo)

Planned to meet at 1030AM at hougang nel and i asked isha to wake me up at 9am,
She did , and i pick up her call but few minits later i text her again and told her to meet me at hougang nel at 1130am instead.
and you know, 1130am also im the one who's late and she have to wait for me.
bought stuff and off to sentosa and reached at 1PM.
and thats the 1st time we reached sentosa by that time bcos usually when we go sentosa, around 10plus we're already there.
tsktsktsk.
sorry eh isha, but still there's sunnn kan.

FInd the perfect spot.
just the both of us, sweeet kan.
hehehehehe.
tanning and talking and having fun.
there's soo soo many people you know.
and blarblarblar and decided to pack up around 4pm since when i called shakz she told me that sengkang is rainin heavily and sentosa started to rain heavily by 5plus plus.
luckily we're at vivo city already by than.

irritating mats.
not isha or mine cup of tea eh babe.
hahahahhaha.
you know i know.

and done.
im dark now.
prrftttttt...

the forever beachbabe.
huhuhuhuhu.

saturday

Saturday.
Planned to meet faradila and apish farrell at 5pm but me and faradila reaches town at 730pm. Apish face turn green bcos he say his very very angry and he dont like to wait for people. hahahaha(okay bedek :P). Okay okay its my fault la bcos i left home late. I went to tamp 1st to meet fara in the train when i can actually take 1 straight bus to town . And seriously it have been a very very very long time since ive last meet this two babies you know.
:)
*and sorry to all the dearest cousin that i cuden join the karaoke session with you all. bet u guys have lots of fun (:*

for what i heard, apish cannot grow long hair becos he will look ugly with long hair.
and he'll always remain botak and even fian , which is a very small world can know this fella say his the nigga nigga type. iye apish farrell?
but for me, he look okay what with long hair.
prftttttt.

we three got our mission when we're at town.
but fara baby broke the rule.
and apish step angry only ytd.
hahahaha.

had our late dinner at fep beside cahaya.
everything seems to be a small world. and i saw the ex bf , mamam brother.
and seriously when i look at him, it really turn me off you know and somehow i just wish that i can confront him and blablabla but, things are over already and i'll never never forget what heve said to the others.nbcb..

after that,
meet black and blablabla our fep plaza.
and than, off to somewhere around taka to meet yus buyakkkkkkkkkkkkk (: (:
than this fara mia for awhile,
and we have this game whowhatha with just me n this boys and all those stupid catch up and left only at 11pm.
But i seperated with apish and fara ,when i saw mrskinny and friends which i decided to stay forawhile.

YUSBUYAKKKK

small world. they used to be in the same bunk.

apish farrell

fara baby.
so you got any problem about this people above is ur own fucking business kay (:
anw, im scared of BAPOK.
seriously. im fuckin scared of bapok.
and you know when i was with the boys , there's this bapok came and approach them and this monkeys were makin fun her?him?hahs, and im very very scared bcos you know im the only female and that bapok seriously give me one of this fucking shit look.
and i decide to go off after this bapok left.
:)

and maziz a.k.a mrskinny,
i know you care about me and i am not that fool to trust ure friend and as ive said right to you, his not my cup of tea and i wont accept him more than being just a friend.

saturday was really sucha splendid.
:)

2009-03-29T02:28:00.002+08:00

will be back
(:

2009-03-28T04:57:00.002+08:00

time checked: its fucking 5:03am now
and i cant sleep and ive been like baring baring , on e comp and doing it again and again.
prfttttttttttttttttt..
imsonia.
fuck.

2009-03-27T20:54:00.004+08:00

im having moodswing now and im just not in a mood to talk with everyone and idk what to do to get out from this shitty feelings.damn it.
its fucking irritating for me.
and im just so so so angry and i dont know why.

i think i should keep things to myself rather than telling people or answering people on what they actually wanted to know about me and whats going on about me and my life .
that guy wasen my cup of tea of cause,
and simply say
find me if you need me.
i dont want to go around caring and finding people .
im not in a mood to go dating with stupid guys also.
and you know what,
as im following the flow, i can see what type of person are you.

and you,
you seems like only find me when ure bored.
gheeesh.
tsktsktsk.

2009-03-26T23:30:00.003+08:00

and i dont like the surrounding area around me right now. and i just feel like ive got nobody to turn to when it comes to this shit. its really sucks to feel this shit you know. But im trying my best to like just look away and ignore whatever shit is happening and pretend that i dont know anything. Somehow, i just feel like voicing up something like," what time is it now? ure still have your daughter at home who still wait for you to reach home .you know? and i rather shut my mouth bcos i dont want him to know that i actually do care for him. Well, ot are always sucks you know. prrfftttt..

so lets save all those shit up there before im getting to open here.
lols.

time checked: 1137am.
and im like just shaking my legs, hearing songs and blogging now.
my phone have been dead for weeks already and i feel like dont want to used it alrdy cause its no longer important for me already.just FEEL of not wanting to use it only kay.hahahs.
and you know, i miss the company of having a boyfriend. you know like those shit like pampering and etc etc.
i miss those shit ass shit you know.
blearghhhh.
im fucking dead bored here.
and maybe some people are just having fun eh.
gheee.

bored.bored.bored.
i shall go to bed now,
and listening to song and off to sleep.
so, goodnight babies.
:)

2009-03-26T20:17:00.002+08:00

i hate it when im sleeping people enter my room.
and i hate it when im sleeping people disturb me,
and i hate it when u enter my room when im sleeping bcos u'll see girls things all over my room and that is soooooooo you know,ITS a girl room like hello?.
prfttttttttt..
i was supposed to go amk today to visit nenek but after i siap siap already, im like super lazy to go out and i decided to fetch mum with sister.
ehehhehehehehehehehe.
and guess what?
i cut STUPID BANGS again bcos i was so so bored at home just now.
and , i didnt disturb the back part of my hair bcos i wanna keep long hair, feeling sexy.LOL.
and i cut it myself, soooo now i look so tembam.
yikes.
i miss my used to be someone special now.
hmmmmm.

2009-03-26T02:30:00.003+08:00

alaahhh fake smile lagek (:

2009-03-25T14:31:00.001+08:00

im waiting patiencely for mum to give me the green light.
bcos , i wanna party like a rockstar.
yikeeesss.

20 more days to my birthday.
huhu.

2009-03-25T00:05:00.002+08:00

Thanks for the choc sunday treat bestfriend.hehehehe.
and you know i miss this small bestfriend of mine.Ive not been meeting her for days already and decided to meet her just now and have our small little talk and off home around 1115pm.
You know, we've been 2gather for 8 years.
Primary school to secondary school till now.
Of cause you know there's so many ups and Down between us but now i can really see she love me and treasure me. i just hope that she wont go away from me again bcos i really really love and treasure her so much you know.
And im starting to miss her now and i shall meet up with her again like tomorrow?
yipeee.
:)
she's like a sister to me , and i love her so much.
and of cause i wont forget all my other goodclosebestfriend like aminah?khairul? all those close to my heart like my babygirls?my boys?
u people will always be in my heart.
:)

2009-03-24T19:10:00.002+08:00

im afraid to fall inlove again,
because i know its hard for a relationship to last.
im afraid to be with someone again,
and i know im gona love that person whole heartedly but
in the end he leave me just like that.
im afraid to face all those heartache again and relationship problem yet again,
bcos i know im not that strong to face all problem and not as strong as what you think.
im afraid that people will take advantage of me,
because i dont want to feel as if im being used or toyed.

love me for who i am.
i want choc sunday plus extra topping now!
:(

2009-03-23T15:22:00.002+08:00

teknodisco says:
haro haro
A s h, cinta says:
hello hello
teknodisco says:
mz'reef ryt
huhu
i forgot ur nME
A s h, cinta says:
yesh yesh.cehh maseh ingat sehh.

You know when people still remember me as mzreef, i'll laugh and sound like wahhhhhhh . Because this is the veryvery old people who still remember me as mzreef after so long you know.
okaylah.mzreef is back.
HAHAHAHAH.okay damn it.
but they sound cute.

lols.

he said,
im no longer ekei yukata but
teknodisco says:
ppl call me eri-san aftr i cME BACK LUH
so its eri now.
LOL.
(:

2009-03-23T00:21:00.002+08:00

ARIES - The Daredevil
Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic. Fun. Loves a challenge... EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short fuse. (Easily angered.) Lively, passionate, and sharp wit. Outgoing. Lose interest quickly - easily bored. Egotistical. Courageous and assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
(:(:

2009-03-22T19:42:00.003+08:00

Today is sunday.
and its very very sunny over here (:.
I was at home with my parents and decide to go swimming instead of joining my friends .
I know many people are dissapointed with me now.
At one point of time, i think positive.
and at another point of time, i wasen myself.
im just lost.
and i dont know what to do and decide.
again, its just me myself who can change things.

but you can never know how hard im trying to think positive.
just
back to square one.
the old lynn.

theres nothing else i can do.
being ego dosen get anything and dosen solve matters but it make shit worse.

its because of you, i am who i am that point of time .
and its because of you , i am who i am now.
trust me,
only with you i can work things out and be a better person.

2009-03-21T04:31:00.003+08:00

im seriously lazy to update and i update more on private **** (:
hmmm, lesbian?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

2009-03-18T22:27:00.000+08:00

whatever.
whatever.
whatever.

2009-03-18T21:10:00.001+08:00

fuck you ,
boy.

2009-03-18T14:01:00.002+08:00

A friend asked me out today but im just super lazy to go out of the house cause im saving cash,cash and cash.
and ive been really cashless this few weeks you know.
tskkkkk.
bcos dad refuse to give me money as ive always been gg out and not working.
and argh; how sucks can that been.

but i think im gona ditch that person.
bcos im not in a mood of dating with guys.
HAHAHAHAHA.
ohwell, my phone have been silence ever since than.
(:

i know my blog is super bored without me uploading any pictures.
bcos im lazy to take so many picture and the mood of taking pictures when gg out will always be like once in a bluee moon.
(:

isha thanks for accompanying me ytd eh.
she came over and left at 1230am.
watch movie and talk and isha like,"abg abg " ahhh.
now i know.
lols

and oh ya,
happy 20th birthday fadhan shah.
:)

2009-03-17T17:04:00.005+08:00

After what ive seen with my eyes, after the flow ive been with and looking around at the surrounding ever since than,
i stop and think,
close my eyes and listen to what my heart is saying .
i still feel the pain, and the cut is so deep inside and its still bleeding continously through all the fake smile ive show up with.
truely complicated but,
ive make up my mind.

what keeping me going means nothing.
its hopeless.

errrr yikes,
showing that confused whatever face.
HOME ALONE like again.
bestfriend took babygirl adriana away.
isha, come save me later.
yey yey yey.

2009-03-16T20:06:00.002+08:00

Lynn is very very very very super angry now.
and you like it that my no. are being passed by you or those idiot take my no. from your hp and u actually didnt do anythg.?
omg, thanks so muchh.
and if you think im that kind of girl that easily entertain guys in a way like ,
"kenal kenalan" guys ehh. seriously FUCK IT.
its fucking irritating .
and i am so irritated now.
fuck it.
and fuck the attitude of urs.
and ure friend is sucha psycho and irritating to the core as well.

i am very very very very angry now.
and dont think i look cute and u like me this way.
fucking shit.

dont think that only you can just show me off ure ugly attitude la okay.
and u wont like it and this wont end if im showing u back my ugly attitude.

fuck it.

2009-03-15T21:17:00.005+08:00

i wanted to sleep but ive been controlling my eyes since noon.
so i think im knocking off now,
datin diairies and off to sleep.
:)

http://www.youtube.com/user/aaniqah
ytd during their kompang compt.
congrats guys!!
:)

2009-03-15T01:35:00.004+08:00

the two reason why im still here.

my everyday conversation.
my love.

im creating a private blog again. :)and this blog will remain unprivate.
:)

and today is 15march and in one month time gona be my
19th birthday.
wuhuuuuu.
(:okay i love webcaming.
shiokness.
:)

2009-03-15T00:41:00.000+08:00

mama mama mama mama mama pundek.
*irritating*

currently listening to sekali lagi-spoon
trying to understand the lyric.
:)

2009-03-14T23:49:00.003+08:00

hello babies.
(:
im back.

Reached home around 9 like that because im to tired to stay.
Like ive mentio earlier on, i went to serangoon cc to support my homies for their kompang competition and im happy for them cause they got in the 3rd place.
*claps* :) :)
Earlier on, afah came to my house.
and the boys didnt turn up for my karaoke session and i was so dissapointed bcos i wanna hear exist and siti nurhaliza sing you know.
prfttt .
buts its okay, i know many people are waiting for the karaoke session lor.
hahaahhaha.
and yes i love to karaoke now even tho i got no nice voice like afahhhhhh yg ade suare like siti nurhaliza.
SERIOUSLY IM NOT KIDDING OKAY.
its fucking powerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

and imah.
we'll go karaoke togather okay.
:) :)
and if you want to know, almost everyday we both karaoke togather and almost everyday we are togather :)

back to the stories.
afah left around 3plus.
than me n imah went off also to meet atiqah at the bus stop.
for those who think kompang is like a kental shit.
suck it men.
hahahahahaahahahahahahahahaahahahahahah.
i like dikir barat also you know.

me : imah nanti boleh cuci mate jap eh.
hahahahahahahahahah.
just kidding.

reliyana was there.
and the kids from hougang sec was there too and i fucking hate them and idk why are they there.urgh.
ullie came after that, so its like just me,imah,atiqah,yana ,ullie and idk who , dhan and his gf and we're the supporter of, belia hougang.
wahhhhh (:

i must say suharry putra did a gooooooooood job.
:)
and of cause the rest also :).
and i teell you ,this is my 1st time i talked to atiqah okay.
lol.kan beb.
:)
hehehehehehehe

i decided to left early with ullie ,harry , asri and afiq and imah stay with the rest for the result bcos im getting bored there.
so many mats and minah.
many people coming in .
and the pengacare fucking slow.
getting sleepy.

than i went home.

the boys are gg club today.
and ni ullie mcm babi tau. aku tgh makan kt ruma si dier semangat suro afiq panggil aku and i go over to his hs when his wearing his shoe just to say,
" bye lynnnnn.aku nk g club.aku nak g joget. "
cb lu..
tkpe tkpe.
go have fun .
:)

and now im getting headache okay.
urgh.
and im having ice milo now.
*thnks imahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*
thats for all.
no pictures,
no video.
cn look at atiqah blog if she's uploading it.
:):)

sorry mr,
i love him

2009-03-13T22:22:00.008+08:00

LIKE FINALLY THIS BITCH COME ONLINE .
:):)

◊ ● ◊ FαЯяλн ЯδϚнЗя ◊ ● ◊ says:
LYNN
KAU INGAT KENENG KAU DULU?"
KAU NAK AKU UAT DEMO?
A s h says:
kau cb
buat lagek
HHAHAHAHAHAHAAH
◊ ● ◊ FαЯяλн ЯδϚнЗя ◊ ● ◊ says:

SALAH
SABAR
A s h says:
SKG DA ADE KENING SIOT
◊ ● ◊ FαЯяλн ЯδϚнЗя ◊ ● ◊ says:
AKU UAT AGYK
AKU LUPA MATA KAU SEPET
JAP EY
A s h says:
KAU SIAKKKKKK
◊ ● ◊ FαЯяλн ЯδϚнЗя ◊ ● ◊ says:
ALA EJEK2 JER
ZAMAN MINAH SIOL
AKU PUN TAKAN LUPA AKU MUNYER

thanks eh farrah.
this is my minah that i miss sangat sangat lor.
cb lu. tapi as u can see ive change already lor.
and that is all time time dulu ehhhhhh.
hahahahahha.
(:
TOMORROW KARAOKE SESSION OVER MY CRIB.
YESAAHHHHHH.
LETS HEAR SITI NURHALIZA AND EXIST SING.
HAHAHHAHA.
OKAY DONE (:

and to the kompang boys,
all the best to you tomorrow!!
:)

2009-03-13T13:50:00.006+08:00

Ytd night was a last minit plan to town. I was fucking bored after he left, and so i text imah to meet them at town. And we only reached town at 945pm and we told them we will reach town at 850pm. Sorri la bebeh. We bus-ed down lei not ride like u all. gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
and when we reached there, than we know that didnt ride to town but cab-ed down to town. And we're like few hours late. sorreyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy lor.

i wasen in a mood ytd and i just try to push everything aside. just like follow the flow. And we end up at cash studio opp hardrock cafe. prrftttttttttttttttttttt.. just the four of us, imah me , roy and sufari. ZUL WASEN AROUND. cbcbcbcbcbcbcbcbccbcbcbbc. than it wasen like rock that much lor. :(

i didnt sing. hahaha. but they did.
and sufari side view look like fauzi laila. but he is irritating to the core. And i didnt know they got a super voice lor :) cehhcehhhhhh (:
and like i said i didn sing! so i just sat and entertain them. imah voice was so nice ytd :)
time checked when we enter was 1045pm.

roy.
sufari the suare power.

the bestfriends.:)
i was supposed to go off early but than, the thing ended at 145am so we left after smoking. and things was so different that point of time. haiyaaaa, lagu lagu melayu lor buat my mind tk tenteram.
i realli dont know what to do.
but its like, im taking things slow and follow the flow.

ive never give up but the situation itself makes me feel confused.
i just dont know.
and im myself dont wanna to think of this that much.
but again, im taking things slow.
and follow the flow.

reached home around 3.30am, than both ima n me went to sleep cause we're super tired.
and im organizing KARAOKE SESSION TOMORROW.
wanna join with the super guys singing.
huhu.
:)tell me.

BUT tomorrow im gg off to support them with their kompang thing at serangoon cc.
prftttttttttttttttt..

blog are back to private! :)

i miss you.

2009-03-12T19:37:00.003+08:00

webcaming with afah baby plus imaah kemama.
(:
shiokness.

i just hope that u could spare a thought for me.
and listen to what my heart is saying.

2009-03-11T16:39:00.003+08:00

im out.

bcos i can never love someone like i loved him,
bcos i cant treat someone so well like ive treated him,
bcos no one can be as cuteirritating boyfriend as him.
bcos my heart is still his,
and he still linger around in my mind and i just feel that he's still there.

be it ,
gone or not..
i feel this way.
thats finally.

and im fighting for what i own.

2009-03-11T14:49:00.002+08:00

11march2009.

urm,
i dont know whats going on to me. I dont mean to hurt people but like ive said i dont know whats going on to me. & when i think back of it, i should say errr nononono BUT i actually dont know whats running through my mind.
i didnt know that the true and dare game that time when someone actually pop up this question to me are happening to me right now.
kan mulot masin. gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

blearghhh..
i just know that he loves me, and im taking my time to really take it slow and bring it back to normal, its fucking hard but on the other hand i am thinking, is it worth it?
and for you, i just dont know what else to say or to do. i told you im a loser at this and i cant be better than that.
and i suddenly thought of giving up and let me be on my old track.
thats it.

and to fight for what i actually own,
take it slow.

adriana is becoming super active right now, and i cant stand her at times you know.
and she LOVE to disturb me so much and irritats me ,
for example : when my hp ring and she know that im gona take it, she's quickly run and take my hp and run around the house. super irritating with her giggle non stop.
br.

oh yar, how does it feel when ure talking to a friend at night,
someone: ehh asal dgr suare itik eyyy?
me : ey dont nonsense can?
someone: seriously la. bunyi cicak tk mcm gini sehhh
me: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. YOU SURE?
someone : yesh.
and he turn on azan out so loud .
me: okay its scary now, can i put down the phone.

how does it feel.
ohmyyyyyy..

i want youuuu back.
like old times.
:(

2009-03-10T22:09:00.002+08:00

im doing this bcos ive never really give up on you .
and bcos i cant lie to myself that i still love you so.

i really hope im getting that job.
*pray hard*.
and its time for me to work my ass on it.
no more playing around and depanding on others.
and im looking forwerd for my upcoming courses also.
:)

ive keepon changing skin,
bcos im bored to death.

and people who try to get me,
u can just sms me and i'll get back to you or just call my house okay.
as said, change of no. ..
actually ,
soooon (:

2009-03-09T23:34:00.003+08:00

i decided to view my old blog reading my past history with the old ex bf,faizul.
just read it for fun,
and i find that now the feelings is totally gone.
ive mention that i'll never forget him but as time pass by,
its already 2 years we've already broke up, there's no more feelings between us.
so whats now, will this happen to me and fadhli?
but its unfair bcos of love just stop like that, and that is what hurt me the most and dosen make me feel sastified.
i dont know, i just dont know but i still want to be with him..
but i dont think there is still hope for us.
he wants me to hate him
he wants me to throw everythg far far away.
he wants me to forget him.
but i know i wont.
i still feel that his around, he's still mine.
i just feel that he's away and will come back soon.
i just feel that way.

i dont wanna be in a new relationship.
i just dont want.
but can i have him instead?
:( :(

i was webcam-ing with afah baby.
and she say that i look pale with the mate bengkak and pucat face.
that is what my friends told me when they webcam with me,
i've been crying and thinking almost everyday...
which u tot i was happily haven fun or fling around,
its never true.

and here, see this picture and mind the face.

i feel like cutting my hair shortttttttt.
should i?shoulden i?
but i want to keep my hair long,
and this afah baby finally did her hair extention.
CB LU.

WAS SO HAPPY WEBCAM-ING WITH HER U KNOW.
DA BERBULAN TAK JUMPE, bcos of those ups n down..
and i realli really miss her and the rest of the babies.
:)
and afah, sorry about the past and i miss uuuuuu so so much .
:)
and will meet up sooon and have more story telling okay.
lets forgive n forget.
what does friendship mean without misunderstanding and quarelling.
:)
after all, u girls will always be my babies.
< 33333 i just woke up now, and tomorrow im gona be home alone at noooooon. i miss midnight phonecall, u got me wrong.

today,
happy 14monthsary babylove.
i just feel that ure still apart of me.
:(

2009-03-09T18:16:00.002+08:00

im trying to bear with all those pain.
it hurts me when i myself have to go through this shit alone.
it hurts me when u scream at me.

i have feelings.
pls bear that it mind.
i cnt afford to take things again.
please.

2009-03-09T14:29:00.003+08:00

ive never been in love like this before.
his the best man that ive ever been with,
do you know that?

its raining cats n dogs now,
i feel so cold,
and how i wish he is here by me.

Whenever i sleep,
i feel that there's someone beside me looking at me.
but whenever i open my eyes, i wish i could see him.
but things are gone far far away now.
because i know i can never get to see him whenever i open my eyes..
but instead,
i can only see him in my dreams.

all i love to do now is ,singing.
because ive been singing almost everyday without fail.
i dont care who ever around is hearing me,
and i know they know that i'm in pain bcos i cant fake it .
& i sing with my feeling.

feeling-feeling you know.
hehehehehehehehehehehe.
:)

2009-03-08T05:59:00.006+08:00

Initially, ive plan to go there alone.
i just dont want to keep things until its rusty bcos at the end of the day , they'll always be in my wardrobe. Its very hard on me to do it but im trying to do my best to do it and get over it.
Until, ain save me and text me saying she can help me pass all those things to him, so i decide to meet her at bugis and he was actually there.

I bring imah along.
and apon reaching there, i cant bring myself to face him cause i know i'll feel so umcomfortable and i know i'll cry.
but im trying my best to face it and accept that things are gone.
and of cause i did went up to them, and meet them at kfc.

not much conversation.
i cant bring myself to start the conversation 1st until he pushed me aside.
i really cant face him, bcos im just very broken hearted and idk why i feel scared.
Nothing much to be said,
bcos things are already over, he said.
our conversation make me cry.
make me cry so much until i hugged him and dont want to let him go.
but i know, i cant do anything and i have to face it and in the end,
he kissed my forhead and bid me goodbye.
i cried,

i did cried.
my mind are totally lost at that time.
i dont know what to do, and i just keepon crying and feel like screaming and knocking my head and everything you know.
Until imah came up to me and cool me down,
i was a lil bit okay than.
slowly,
breathe in n breathe out,
we left.

My mind are lost at that point of time.
i dont know what to do.
where to go.
i dont have any appetite to eat tho i bought old chang kee.
i dont know, i just feel LOST and heartbroken.

but yet,
ive to accept this.
and baby, its okay with me but seriously u'll always be in my heart
when my friends talked about their bf,
ive never mention, "my ex bf "blablabla.
but i still call him, "abeh bf aku.."blablabla.
even tho ure really gone,
i just feel that somehow ure still sticking in my heart and will always be.

we sat behind bugis bhg, me and imah since ain left with him n her friend.
we decided to leave only at 6 to far east to meet mum, dad n sister for sakura.
i tried my best to cheer up,
and try to laugh and smile.

and finally i did,
during midnight but somehow i feel that im just faking it.
it wasen sincere but like she say,
this is all faith.

i cant afford to cry almost everyday bcos i know crying wont bring him back to me.
and only if he do, i THINK i'll be the happiest woman in the world.
and this gona be the last entry im typing about this,
he said , " tk gune kite bebual , kite da tkdepape, i tk akan patah balekk".

(:
its alright hunney.
all i just wanna say,
i mis ur hug,
ur kisses
being pampered,
i miss all those stupid arguement, silly arguement -sighhhhh
and i just miss the old you.

goodbye.

2009-03-06T23:39:00.002+08:00

my webcam are back.
and im feeling shitty now,
im just forcing myself to...
fuck it.fuck it.fuck it.

2009-03-06T13:10:00.003+08:00

maybe you say things like that out of anger.
but you have to think that whatever you say bring my dignity down.
you somehow insult me and treat me as if im a woman with no feelings.
as if im a dog who bark,
and im a human with no feelings , a human who cant cries and take things easily when you say like that.

you are just too much,
and you really prove to me that guys a sucha idiot.

i just dont wanna fall in love again,
and look whats happening to the world now.
even a person who is already engage fuck other woman behind their back,
even someone who is in a relationship they can just go fuck other woman behind their back and fling around behind their back and just treat woman like a toy that they can play around with.
even your own goodfriend n close friend ditch you ..
how wonderful is that.

whatever happen now,
fear me of knowing someone or to be in love and really commit again..
does this what woman shud face n feel and be treated like?

seriously,
i hate you now.
and you really make me hate you so much..

and i dont wanna receive any tags talking about him and everythg.
enough is enough.
i regret, falling inlove once with you.
cause this is what i got.

2009-03-06T02:30:00.002+08:00

whenever i hear his voice,
i know he wanna scream at me like the last time we talk about breaking up.
it just so sad.
and whenever i give him a call, a msg or a misscall,
i'll scream saying,"why am i doing this?why am i still doing this?"
i really dont know.
i just cant.

i did this make up for them.
love you.

2009-03-05T14:14:00.003+08:00

those happy moments,
when im being sucha irritating girlfriend,
when ure being sucha cute boyfriend,

happy moments, arguements , ups n down,
tears and laughter,
all those warm hugs,
all those kisses,
those good and bad times we've been through together..
when there's you, there'll always be me.
when there is still fadlynn..

is there still hope to solve and work things maturedly fo us ,
or life still move onn for us.
i dont want this.
i dont want to go far away from you,
but what does it feels when the love is gone.

5 more days,
and 6 more days gona be mark a mth we've been off.
5 more days, to our 15monthsary.
it really hurts so much.

ive never been deeply in love like this before.

2009-03-05T03:21:00.003+08:00

Time checked: 3:25am,
and im still awake and cant sleep. :(
i just dont know what ive been doing, i just dont know what im supposed to do and what i supposed not to do. Im just following the flow and it hurt me muchhhhhhhh.
This is not what i want.
this is never what i want things to turn out to be.
im sooooo dowwwwn now, and im sooo dont know what else to say.

*sigh*.
im back home now. And im having stupid fluuu now.
Tomorrow i'll be home aloneeee and im gona be dead bored.
sister off to camp,
parents working,
zana and bby off till sunday to mak's place.

and i so dont know what to do tomorrow.and im fucking stress about it cause i fucking gona be bored .urgh.
anway, the otha day i met up with my senior kak auni.
she came over and i tell you her son is cute to the core you know.
i like babies.
yeshyeshyesh,:)

now,
i have to breathe in and breathe out.
and releks myself, and go to bed.
urgh.

2009-03-04T17:46:00.004+08:00

daddy: asal kau kat sini, zana bby mane.
me: saje je. tknk balek. zana bby g rumah serangoon,mak angkat.
daddy: abeh kau tkde mak angkat?
me: mane ade.merepek.
daddy: abeh mak menantu mane?

mummy : mane ade mak menantu lagek.
(i look away n smile)
me: tahhh mane ade mak menantu. pe je.
mummy: dah takde dah.
daddy: asal pulak.
me : malas laaaa di.
daddy: kau ni,mcm-mcm. abeh kau ade sape.
me: takde org.

of cause i still have my family and my friends.
sorry dad.

*recovering*
(:
off now.
anyway, happy 20th birthday apish farrell.
(:
may all your wishes and dreams come true.
(:
see u around soooooon!
:)

2009-03-03T18:00:00.002+08:00

Im going off like again, and will be away for few days.
i was awake by the beep of my hp,
and i was so shock to read the msg that u claim, tersalah send to me.

to you fadhli,
i hope you are happy with your new sayang. (:
siape kate u tkde msg or kenal2 or berbual or jumpe or matair dgn org lain after me.
:) common . afterall, now i know what are you confusing at.
and u still say that you miss me.?
:)
i like it hard you know, i like it bad you know, as long as youre not acting decent or innocent.than i think that sucks alot.

please dont hurt me much more.
u've hurt me so much already,
so please ..

you choose your way.
not me.

change of no.
will update u people sooon .:)

the pain is killing me.

2009-03-03T02:26:00.004+08:00

Im inlove with this song ,
st12 -saat terakhir
(:
and ive been listening to malay songs ever since than lor, but i like acoustic more bcos its so romantic you know. And i think it have been a long time since ive last been like berjiwang-jiwang ahh,
friend: sejak bile kau dgr lagu-lagu melayu?
alaaah, korg mane tahu ni semue. (: hehehehehe.

Anyway, i just got back recently around 12plus like that. And i cant stand when dad start to nag. okay i know ive been going out almost everyday but you know, thats the least i can do to move on and pull through you know. Im trying to smile, laugh,have fun and be happy and the impt thing is, im trying to moveee on. Dad, i just hope that you can understand me.

And as mention earlier on, i went to see the doctor ytd noon. And i simply hate MEDICINE. but i have to take them and finish them by 7days before it get worseeee. argh, why always this shit happen to me.
But im super relief that , i didnt suffer from anything. thank god. and when the doctor keepon asking me question , this and that ..im like, aiyaa you make me feel like im really sick.

yesh la ive lost some weight.And the reason why i dont wanna go polyclinic instead bcos i know they will defer me to ttsh.
And the last time i went there was when i have eye infection that is super bad lor.

Allhamdulilah this wasen the cause of all those pills ive take last time.
anyway, i cant seem to cry anymore but i when i feel the heartache, i tell you it hurts so much.i dont know how many times im gona repeat this but yes, it hurts me so much. But on the other hand,im trying to look up and say,"okay lynn. get up and enjoy. dont look down and cry.dont look back. " but end up, do you think tears roll down from my eyes.

yesh it did.
errrr, not that i cant cry anymore but the tears are dripping lesser and lesser you know.
WHen im eating , laughing, sleeping or whatsoever .. i can just woke up and sit, or look at one side and suddenly think of him.
than i'll start to cry. ......... abit! yesh,abit.
all those why, what and everythg keepon running through my head.
and its not easy to move on.

Im sick of answering people question about my break-up with fadhli. Maybe we're just not meant for each otha. It ends just like that,and this is not what ive expected for.
gheeh; forget it.

hurts.hurts.hurts.hurts.hurts.
do i still love him?

and the answer is yes.
gahhhhh!but,
sometimes i feel that there's no point thinking and crying and loving and waiting for him bcos i doubt he wont be feeling that way.so yesh, im enjoying my day.

and i cant wait for that course.
please mum, i need this men.
please.please.please.please.
anddddddd..

to some guys out that which i dont wanna mention who.
You cant force to be love, and i just cant seem to love someone as much as how ive love him. Its not that im not giving you chances to like prove to me that ure better and you can do better but i just cant. i take it as friends, and that is that. And after you know from some idiot that im no longer with him, than u come finding me and etc etc.
and i always shout this at home you know,
b !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! knape la kau tinggalkan aku.

you know why?
haga. speechless.
ive yet take my medicine and i think thats all for today.
thanks mr for being there.
yeah, we're moving onnnn.

2009-03-02T17:19:00.005+08:00

I finally decided to see the doctor after so long
with bestfriend,imah.
it wasen mumps.
and the doctor say,"luckily it wasen cancer."
thank god.

hopefully i'll recover in 7 days time.
if not, im gona see the doctor again for check up xtra and everything.

i dont wanna go ttsh again & again,
bcos its really $$$$.
sigh.

doctor : did u lost any weight?

yesh i do.

2009-03-02T04:10:00.004+08:00

I swear ytd rains heavily at hougang. Its like fucking heavy, fucking heavy sampai air hujan termasok dirumah lor. And time checked was like around 3pm like that, and im supposed to meet alif and hafidz but than i decided to cancel everything and force imah to meet me and go out with me. And it have been a few days lor i last meet her. rinduuuuu (: . And we went off around 6pm and i tell you its rainin heavily and we just went out like that.

and roy was otw to hougang to meet the person who wanna help him stick the sticker at his galeria bike lor. sungguh irritating.and i told him not to come over 1st since its raining heavily.. and mummy asked me to visit nenek first at ttsh since she and daddy cuden come ytd so imah accompany me to ttsh to accompany me visit my beloved nenek.
Reach around 7plus like that than let nenek sleep 1st than around 830pm we went off.
By than, rofian already called me since he wanna meet up.(sungguh cepat lor the time.)

than, we firman texted me and say he wanna meet me also. And since he say it gona be a short while, i asked him to meet me at raffles hosp there.
And im sorry roy, we reached late. (:

Around 9pm we reach raffles hosp to meet roy, than there came firman and i didnt know that the guy who have been pushing his bike until imah shouted, "FIRMANNNNN!!"THAN i know its him bcos you know, i didnt wear spec. And i finally saw him with HAIR lor, bcos for the pass few years his a skinhead and will never keep his hair. And it like, FINALLY I SAW HIM WITH HAIR (:

ANd this mat here very gatal lor, say wanna meet skejep since im with myfriends than skali he say he wanna join.
And end up, we went sheesha.

firman: jom g my old workplace.
me: sheeshaa ah?okay jom.
(reach already)
firman: alamak tak boleh dudok dalam.
me : abeh nak dudok mane?bawak?luar?????
roy: ala jom g depand.

firman: atas packed uhhh. dudok bawa luar tknk?
me : taknk laaa .panas. takde kipas tkde air con and im feeling so hot now unless u guys wanna fan me lor.heheheheh.
roy: wahhh kalau jadi mataer ni tk tau mcm mane eh.
me : sape suro jadi mataer.

anddddddddd serious lor even tho its raining i feel hot.
and end up, we went to the one yg opp road near raffles hosp, forgot the name.:)

roy

Firman .

So yeah, we sat down and everything went smooth. had so much fun.Around 11+ roy friend, zul n fiza come and join us. ANd you know,me and imah was like tgh kejar kan bus lor since we both aje yg akan naek bus since we dont wanna ride on their bike. And me and imah decided to go off around 1pm , and took a cab home.

So if you wanna ask me how am i feeling now?
i feel better than that. Im okay now but yeah sometimes i think of him, bcos i'll always miss him.
setiasa menanti.
but well, life have to move on.
my tears are already dry up, and i can only feel the heartache.
its sooo painful to feel it you know.
Im just having fun,
cause maybe this can help me move on and forget everything.
Thats the least i can do.
but boy, ure always in my heart fadhli.

anyway, time checked:4.30am now.
and of cause imah is here (;
and i need to wake someone at 7am,
and i have to go to the poly clinic since i think im having MUMPS.
URGHHHH. my right hand neck there swells lor. :(
and ive to rush to ttsh tomorrow again since granny asked me to buy food.
haiyaaaaa.
but its okay, anythg for you.
:)

thats all for today entry.
goodnight (:

2009-03-01T02:29:00.004+08:00

I love singing even tho my voice sucks . And you know whenever i woke up from sleep, i can just go to my living room straight and switch on the karoake and sing all alone. And now, i love singing even if im bathing.(:
Anyway, the weather is pretty sucks this few days bcos its raining cats n dogs. And i need to accompany sister to vivo to get her friend a bdae present even tho its raining heavily you knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. prffttt, and u you what ?i hate going vivo bcos its fucking bigggg and its im lazy to travel here and there.

gemok kan aku.
but people say im berisi but i think im fat.
syaz,"make sure the next time aku jumpe kau,kau da kurus sikit okay?"
bcos that time when she meet me, she say ive slim down abit.
wahhhhhhhhhh (:

After everything settle down, we had carls junior and its just you n me. And you know, sister and me dont get along very well you know. And all the way from hg to vivo right, both of us are listening to our own mp3 and we talk when there's a need aje. but seriously idont know why. We're like that. Kalau kat ruma stakat,
"zana ader rokok?" or either "lynn ade rokok?"
itu aje lor.
SISTER is my kakak sdare, since she stay with me i treat her like my kakak sometimes.(:

byk kate muke dier mcm era farida . yeke?kadang2 lor if tgk dier dari side view. HAHAHAHA.
So we rush to ttsh around 7pm like that, see nenek :( and i miss her so much lor and i might be visiting nenek again tomorrow alone. sigh. My heart is so berat whenever i wanna leave ttsh you know. Bcos i just love nenek so much . and granny, "get well soon okayy.and i'll take care of you when im free.:) :)"
And when i reach ttsh, ullie family are there. Than around few minits went off since zana going to mamas carribean i think or whatsoever to celebrate her bdae with her friends and sheve been forcing me to go but, i dont like to go pub unless its timbre (: shiok la live band dier you know.

than now, im at home.
im so boreeddddddddd.
i still think of him.
i miss him so so so much,
do you know that.
:(

goodnight syg.

2009-02-28T05:08:00.004+08:00

Friday night plan was being cancel. But most of my friends are going zouk and you know i wanted to go there but there's no kaki gerek. And i end up at ps instead. LAME. and i heard that town was pack on friday. And of cause, its a fucking long time since i last went there until fiqah say that i came from kampong when i didnt know there's some shop changes at town. So yeah, im never like you. :)
And you know, my afternoon are spend with ullie,khairul & zana. And i swear i was like fucking planless at that time. And everything was being drag till 630pm than i decided to leave the house with kecik and her bf and me, mcm tiang lampu.

ullie: dier kan da freedom skg khai. kluar la dgn dier.
alaaahhh, mcm da lame tk rase feeling2 single.(:

and u think i should actually follow the 1st plan to ECP for cycling lor.
but aiya, i still enjoy my day .
and i met muz and hearing him story-ing about his gf really make my telinge panas i tell you.

im lazy to update this entries and lotsa picture so i just upload what is needed.
(:

A'ha.
sooooo, finally we decided to drink and dats end of friday night.
i tell you ah, i miss fadhli so much.
but maybe his enjoying himself like i do.
but sometimes at one point, i'll silent myself and sing and sing and think of him.

fucker betol.
sigh.

time check: 5:21am.
and ive not yet off to bed.
and now, im off.
:)

2009-02-27T13:00:00.004+08:00

I woke up, when i feel that there's someone disturbing me.
because there's only one person who always did that, and that is him .
i ignore and continue sleeping until i feel like,
"FADHLI??""
i woke up and saw,

sigh,
not him.
but someone who is short and dark .
and than i didnt realize that my ring is gone until he say,
MANE CINCIN YOU?
and i was so super panic , and than its with himm.

dummy khairul.
buat org suspend ah youu.
and today gathering was being postpone. :( :( :(
to next week,
of cause im super excited to meet my secondary mates.
:)

me:boringgg ahhhh. malam2 bebual dgn pompan aje.
she: nak recommand tak?
me: eh boleh jugak ehhh . make sure kan yg tinggi2, yg hensem ke cute ke, ok ok uh (: and my type of guy ahhh.hahahah.
she: ade nii satu , nak tak. dier cute.
he: alahhhhh, tkpayah sudah. buat ape nak ni semue. kan best freedom.
me : sape nak pergi BG-rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! org nak buat kawannnnnnnnnn!!
he : alaaah kawan kawan abeh nanti mesti matair jugak pe.
me: merepek urh. hati da tertutupppppp la. da takde perasaan or ade terlintas nak carik yg baru pe.
she : alaa, just to make her get over him.
me: alaahhhh, i nak satu org ni. dier tinggi2. dier brown2 tak gelap sgt.dier cute2. boleh tk .
she/he: sape pulak?
me : alaahhh, dier bawak spark maron, rxz hijauuuu. name dier pon fadhli jugak. dier kan tinggi2. hensem cuteeeee and my type of guy.:)
she/he: LER. PERGI CARIK SENDIRI.

:)
tags replied:
afah: be strong beb=)
me: haha :)

elly: bby, i changed my link. re-link kay. (:
me: okayy darla! will do :)

zilla: profile picture is nice nice cousin. tc!
me : hahs. thnks dearie.:)

sabrina: ya the devil institute can juz go and die lor.this kind of ppl got no life.pathetic.aniwae,i pray tat u will b fiine
sabrina: n yes be strong
me : yesh dats true.some bloody people who got nothing better to do kan.duh. thanks alot baby.:)

passerby: move on, be strong beb. and i knw hw hard u went thru this **** but remember, think of the others who still care n love you. be strong lynn .
me: ive never ever stop trying to be strong and move on. and im still trying too.thanks alot passerby.:) :)

attica: hope you're alright.. you're strong.. you'll pull through.
me : yesh hopefully i am. i will, takes times. :) :)

Garda: sweetie, this isnt the end. euve a long way to go. try to move on okays? if eu wan. not forcing. ive felt like this before. euve 2 options, eu wanna stay or move on. pk btol2 kays babe ?
Garda: listen to whateva ur heart says. its not easy to move on, i noe. eu will tinkin of him every sec. right? anyway babe, hope ure doing gd. cheer up kays. tkmau sad2.
me: & thats so true. sometimes i feel like, i still wana cry. But sometime whatever people advise and when i think of it, i should move on. gheee. things just make me feel super complicated.but now as you see, im trying to move on. never easy to move on.:) dont worry darla. thanks so much beb.ily.:)

(:: Love is unfair sometimes. Look up for the bright side of life. its painful to move on, but u have to move cause what wasen your's wont be yours. If it is, it will always come back to u.cheer up syg!
me: and i always take up every advise to make me feel strong and move on. never stop trying even tho i fall sometimes :)

Farrah: Baby, follow your heart, do what's best for you.people can spill you with so many advice( because we care for you) but at the end of the day, you make your decision and after all these advice, a wise
Farrah: decision dear. life is never perfect but you can change that perspective the way you want it with lots of patience and definitely prayers. ily baby.
me: i know syg there'is still others who still care n loves me , and i just feel restless n speechless to even think of something to do rather than move on. you know, and nw im speechless already. baby, ily too. miss you :)

thanks alot dearies.
thanks everyone for all those advise.
im moving on, and i am moving on.
but i haven yet feel that his realli gone from my life.
bcos i still feel him, and of cause even tho im moving on
i'll always be here and will accept him back when there'is still hope for us.

again, thanks alot taggers :)

and my dearest belove granny are being admitted to the hosp ytd.
can i cry?
:( nenek , get well sooon. iloveyouverymuchnenek.
:(

2009-02-27T01:15:00.004+08:00

When im home, i feel like heaven. You know like leaving house for few days can make me fall sick and i miss my..

bed (:
and everyone actually.heheheheheeheh
Im okay now. But not totally okay? gahhh,idk but now i feel that my tears are already dry and i cant cry anymore unless when at times i suddenly think of him. Deep down in his heart i know he dont want to leave me, but you know being ego dosen solve anything but making things to be more worse. i always tell myself, its alright lynn. i still loves him. and even tho whatever happen that make me suffer now, i never hate him.and never. Of cause im do still wants to be with him BUT hearing all advise and everything sometimes i think, "nahhhh forget him. i should move on."or maybe ,"change to be a more better person before we're back"... but do you think we gona be back togather again? I never put hope, cause i know this wont happen.

it seems like this is the 2nd shit that happen to me eh.
remember when i was with faizul? after he leave me just like dat for four years? cialakkkkk lor but than for that case, i deserve it bcos i need to learn from my mistake. even tho is a fucking 4 years stories. OMG, i was still a *growingupgirl* at that moment la kan.
but now? noo i dont think i deserve this, and im not saying that i am perfect or whatsoever but seriously i dont deserve this. And this is why, my heart really breaks and ache sooo much. fuck.it hurts me soooooooooooo much you know. *ouch*really. and how does it feels to be heartbroken? and its never easy to MOVE ON, a'ha.

gahhhhhh! forget it.
anw, ive been trying to keep myself busy this few days to forget about this. But than it seems like im losing SOMEONE again ahhh. nevermind laa, lifes still moves on. if you wanna leave than leave, if you wana stay than stay. seriously im sick of this laahhh. i dont wanna bother so much.

So how does it feel being single?
nurul : you can go dating with lotsaaaaaa guy laa kan.
idiot! hahahaha. but does this help to forget about every shit that im gg through?ohhh nono?oh yesyes?
but even tho he might proudly declare that his single, im not proud to say i am single. bullshit. bcos, i feel as if his still around , everywhere. i feel as it is like a fucking timeout. But i know its totally fucking over.But seriously, i fucking love him so much you know. And i know ive been so emo ever since than. but what do you expect, we're like can never be apart you know, we're like glueeeeeeeeeeee and just in a glance,

fuck off. we're over.
like that?
argh!

i'll give him hard and show him what ive got.
party tomorrow?
im just like lost mood after being so super excited.
idk, idk , idk.

and you know what i did today?
i cut my hair :(
nurul : tkmooooo laaaa lawa kan rambot panjang.
ullie : jgn laa. rambot pendek tk lawa la.

but i just trim it laa and keep the length but i feel like my hair is short.
maybe there's no difference when you see it lor, but than i feel its short now.
im just to stress and bored till i decide to cut my hair just now.
ive long to try for extention, but i really dont know.
and im gona dye JET BLACK?soon?
oh yes. roy say , "youuu look minah with the hair.
and what fuck does it concern about i look like minah with my hair?
roy say,"the colour"
dummy.

gahhhhh!

and now,
see im thinking of him again.
fadhli, why are you doing this to me?

is love a bullshit?
oh dear, wake up lynn.

2009-02-26T05:09:00.004+08:00

15days.
i am not being me and im just running away from everything.
15days.
ive been crying everyday and my heart is still aching and somehow i feel that i cant even breath.
15days.
ive been going through hard moments and i just dont know what else to do and i just wish that he will come to me and hug me and tell me things are alright.
15days.
ive been given a lot of advise but things just seems to make me feel mess up and fuck up.
15days .
ive been thinking why does this happen to me.
15days .
ive been missing you and the old you.
15days.
ive been smoking, crying all the time.
15days.
i feel that i wasen me.

its never easy to go through this.
never easy.trust me.
i miss home.
i miss every thing.
its hard fo me to leave,
but i cant stay cause i see him everywhere.

2009-02-23T05:17:00.004+08:00

i wasen the best for you,
i am never the best for you,
ive always hurt ur feelings,
and ive always fail you down.
ive never shower u with love,
ive never prove to you that u're everything in my life.
im sorry bcos i wasen the best for you,
ive tried to move on but deep down inside , im suffering.
ive lost everything, and now ive lost you.

im sorry baby ,
i wasen the one fo you.

but of cause, ure the best boyfriend i ever had in my life (:,
u're the only person among the rest that i love so much and always tried to be the best.
im gona miss you,
and everything.
and ive never regret being with you,
and you are the one and only person that i've love so much.

and all the best to you fadhli.

ps: b, maafkan i k. :(
will be away and wont be blogging.
take care people.
babycinta.

2009-02-22T21:42:00.002+08:00

pls scroll down,
for a few minits than u can go read my entry okay people.
and hear to this song, and camalia of cos wasen my name.
but this song is currently my favourite song you know.
i cry when i hear this song,
and i feel as if ure singing it to me.
and i can still feeling that the heart is aching . :(

setia menanti.

2009-02-21T22:46:00.004+08:00

becos u've never love me.
and there's nothing i can do..
:'(

i'll always be ,
there and will always be somewhere that u can always find me.

2009-02-21T14:18:00.004+08:00

Biarlah aku pergi jauh dari hidupmu,
biarlah aku hidup bersendirian tanpa mu
ku tak bisa disakiti lagek.
Adakah ia bermakna kita berterusan tanpa , cinta sayang.

maafkan diri ku.
aku bukan yang terbaik untuk dirimu.

pls stop crying.
i can feel that my heart is aching now,
do you know that?
:'(

2009-02-20T13:58:00.004+08:00

ku tak putus harapan,
sedia setia.
babycinta.

2009-02-20T00:23:00.003+08:00

im currently watching this online to keep myself awake.
bestfriend : last part dier aku nangis tau.when i tgk cerite ni, i think of you.

how sweeet.
i hope this will last.
:)

2009-02-19T17:29:00.004+08:00

ive always been waiting, ive always been trying to win the love back.
but its clearly seen that his pushing me away.
even his working days his busy, even his off day he's pack with full plan and only decided to meet me , just for e sake of seeing me and off to sleep.

imah : okay baby, u ok?aku otw g labourdour,wish u were here with fad.

i dont know why i cried when i read that.
it can already be seen that, he dont need me anymore. he dont even know that ive been trying, he dont even know that ive been looking forwerd to have my time with him, he dont even think anything about me, instead of having fun.
and what about me? ive been crying all the time.

okayyy lynnnn im gona be fine. stop crying baby.
i just have to accept the fact that he dont need me anymore.
:(
oh my god, i just want you to show me the correct way. I wanna be strong and stand up on my own feat. i cant be like this every single day.

:'(

because im not ur princess,
im just a dreamer.

2009-02-19T02:56:00.002+08:00

at times i told myself i wont give up,
i wont give up bcos i know this is what i want badly.
but on the second hand, i feel restless.
i find that the thing that im chasing for, the thing that im not giving up turns out to be nothing. It seems like all my effort are gone just like that.
im trying very hard, im trying my best to do whatever i can.
be patience and just everything and yet nothing are shown.

that is when i tell myself im giving up.
bcos this wasen the only time that happen to me.
arghhhhh. you wont know the full shit about me.

but,

Its okay if i were to put on a fake smile everyday,
to tell everybody that im alright.
bcos im trying my best to really smile, to really cheer up and get out from the terrible shit that ive been tru this past few days.
that is why ive been spending my time with my bestfriend and my close friends this few days.

and further more when mummy talk to me ytd about some issue,
that she dont want me to fail her down one day,
she dont want me to crash her heart one day
and make mummy cry and very sad one day,
i feel very guilty than ..
becos i know mummy love me and it hurts mummy

when ive been avoiding her this few days.
ive not been talking to her and ive been doing things according to my taste.
just leave as i like without informing her.
i didnt even talk to her when she's alone,
i feel bad.

i did that bcos i cant think of anything.
i cant feel anything accept for the pain and those heartache.
things are making me go crazy and thats the reason why i cried every night,
why i have sleepless night.

but im thankful that no matter how many friends ive lost,
even if b really throw me far away from his life,
i still have my mummy.
even if one day ive to leave everything far behind,
im still gona be with mummy.
bcos im mum's daughter.
bcos i love my mum.

i dont know why im saying this.
and i dont know why im crying now.
i feel restless.

2009-02-18T23:58:00.004+08:00

i went swimming like AGAIN with my dearest bestfriend imah just now.
like finally someone save me from staying at home and i was so fucking bored whenever i woke up and realize that im all alone at home you know.
:)
i go down and meet her around 545 and u know my place to her place is just like 5 min walk.
and our place to hougang swimming complex is just like 10 minits walk only.
and of cos, we are having so much fun swimming and laughing and everything under the pool.
and i got myself fucking giddy when i keep swimming backflopppp.
eh salah blackflip and she keepon laughing whenever i ter ckp backflop.siow.
:)
settle down around 7plus.and went to her hs,
of cos i miss her mum so much cos da lame tk npk.
and you know 3 people say that slim down abit already.
wahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
but mum fucking disagree with that cause,
mum : dier da kurus sikit?MANE ADE. GEMOKK AJE.
ima: pasal u tgk dier hari2.hahahha.
but sometimes i feeling2 slim la when i feel like, "ohhh i tink ive lost weight".
but the fact is im FAT. for me.fullstop.

anw i love you IMAHHHHHHHHHHH (:
AND i decided to delete the msg at my tagboard.
and to alias kadir which ive already know whu the hell are you.

how can i say i didnt miss you?
but what had happen recently make me hate you.
and ure so ego not to even say sorry or pujok me and u know why im very piss with u.
believe it or not, I MISS YOU BCOS u always make me smile and laugh like an idiot whenever i see u or on the phone.
and u know that too.
so, yes i miss you.
fullstop.

and to those fucking tag who use people blog and tag at mine blog,
i guess i dont need you to ask me to grow up bcos i think is you who should fucking grow up.
duh.

i like reunion.
i miss old times.
:)

2009-02-18T15:01:00.003+08:00

Time checked: 3.01pm
and im all alone at home and i got nothing better to do .
im so bored now, and i should have accompany imah n her mum to the singtel thingy than i wont get bored at home.
parents working.
younger sister schooling.
kakak off to auntie place and whatsoever and wont be coming home today also.
and im bored to hell now.

to my dearest cousin fadilah.
goodluck for everything on what uve decide fo ureself.
(:

on another hand,
what is happening to the world now.
damn it.
i miss fadhli.

2009-02-18T01:13:00.002+08:00

very old pictures of me n kecik.
:)

2009-02-17T16:42:00.002+08:00

nurul : hello lynn ehh. sorry eh pasal niairi.
me : uhhhh? pasal apee . tkpelahhh( i actually donnoe what she's refering too lor.hhahs)
nurul : hp aku tkde dgn aku, abeh tuu aku tak dpt contact budak2 lame.
me : cehhhhh.tkpela.

on yarh hor. its 17feb today.
suppose to be the reunion for me and my bitches during secondary school times.
i sendiri forget youuuu but previously we're looking forwerd fo 17feb la actually.
gahhhhhhh :( but its okay, there'll alwys be next time.

who?
during my secondary schoool time.
of cause this is the sweetest memories ever when we flash back about secondary school times.
and of cause, i'll never forget them and we're still in contact with each otha.
my dearest syazkecik, aminah, kin, nurul, erfahana, farhan, imahbaby,putri :)
all those sweet times, all those cracko fighting (hahahahahahah) and all those jackassing.

and i still remember one of my babe(cannot tell whu) tak abes2 lor kene summon(isit the correct spelling?) rokok.
is like almost 4 5 times lor, and yg paling kelaka la kan when one of the time kene spot check bag,
every one of us luckily takde ciggrette lor inside our bag.
AND THE GOOD THING FO ME IS THAT AKU SORG JE AMONG THEM TK PENAH KENE TANGKAP HSA SAMPAI IM 18YEARS OLD KAYY.
hahahahahahahahah. abeh? proud uh. hahahahahah. okayokay wtver.

back to story.
than skali one of my babe beg got AUNNNNN, ( tkde rokok gulung eh gal.ahahahhahahaha). than when my dm take out that aunnn,
dm : aunnn somemore. still kena caught. 5 times already lor haa.
than i was so fucking wanna laugh lor.
and she was like &^^@%@&@^@ donnoe how come that auuun was in her beg.
and that dm go and show it to everyone yg kene hold kan, that auuun is actually part of cigg also what.
and they were like,
them : SAPPPPP AUNNNNNN KEPE?( and they were laughin like idiot)
NABEY LOR.

aunn sape eh?
tk tau pulak.
pasal yg kite tau semue org takde rokok what that time.
hahahas.

i miss them uh.
i miss all those times with them.
:)

anw,
how am i feeling now?
i think, im okay la now, abit.
and im down with cough and bad fluu for few days already.
tu la mami suroh makan obat batok taknk.
hahaha,
must cut down on cigg already la now.
but i really think WINSTON SUCKS among all those red cigg lor.
prftttt.

anw, i change my phone to and old slide phone.
but than vibration aje ehhh and tk boleh angkat calls or outgoing.
mcm best pulak hp ni.
da mcm malas pulak nk pakai hp lor.
hmmm.

2009-02-16T17:42:00.001+08:00

After knowing each otha fo few years already, we decided to meet up and we're togather on 101207. That i when i told myself, ive never give up my love fo someone, that is when i told myself that its time fo me to change and lets not make history to repeat but take up all my history as a lesson to learn.

What does a relationship means without all those ups and down? And of cause we've been through so many hardship, and being thru so many shits when we're moving on as days passes by. You know everything seems to be so sweet, so touch during the first moment of just being together .

This relationship are falling alot of time, but im as a gf will never stop this relationship just like that. I wont stop to tried my best to make this relationship hold on and stays as long as im still breathing, as long as the love that i had fo him are still there.And only if you know, ive never love someone dearly like i love him you know. I tried my best to give him what ive got, tried my best to shower him with lots of love, care and concern. But ive never tried my best to understand what he wants.

why?
bcos his different. He's not like ur bf, or ure gf boyfriends who shower their gf with love. Bcos he kept it in his heart. ANd that make me feel sooooo insecure. In a relationship, i believe that we need trust. And bf have never make me feel im something in his life, bf have never make me feel that he love me so much and dearly. As time pass by, things started to change. I feel so insecure, i feel so complicated, i just dont know what to do, and all i do is keepon crying. bcos i just feel restless, and he wont do anything to make me feel better.

i keepon crying bcos i realise that our love is fading.
i dont want this to happen.
havent i tried my very best after all?
i still move and, and as a gf ive never give up even tho whatever he say hits me hard in my heart. Somehow i feel like , i wanna give up but i dont, and our relationship seems to be rocky and shaky after since than,lately.

all i ever want is, someone to shower me with love. all i ever want is someone who willing to love me whole heartedly, someone who can prove to me that im something is his life. And ive never asked someone to be so romantic , giving flowers or suprises to me.
And by giving me what i ever want, it makes me feel so secure.
And i can do whatever things with a peaceful mind, telling myself that,

"i dont need to worry even if his doing his job or his busy bcos i know im the only girl that he loveee so much. and i trusted him and he wont do anything that gona fail me down."

And i bet, of cause we can think maturedly and positively when we have trust on each otha and we feel secure with the love that are given by our love ones.

Things are changing now. i dont know what he are up too. and can i say things are in a complicated situation fo me n him? but baby if ure reading this, i hope u'l come to ure sense and realise what u are lack off and what u shud do. i will alwys hope that u'll come back to me and tell me that things gona be fineeeee.and u know when u call me baby, when u call me love, when u give me goodnight kisses, that really sooth my heart?
:(
i cried everynight, every day not bcos i want attention.
i cried everynight everyday bcos im just really sad and heartbroken.
presure.

2009-02-15T17:49:00.002+08:00

i just need space fo myself,
to relax and take things easy .
to breath in, and breath out..

and start to thing positively and maturedly.
but im sure this need alot of plenty times .
you cant expect someone to change just in one glance,
maybe you
but not me.

anyway ytd on the road i bump into imah bebeh bersama boyfriend- nyaa,
and to dinner and marina barrage and i cant stop crying whenever i hug him or you know think whats happening to me.
my mind was like being disturb since than.

im like becoming so restless,
and fucking restless and i just dont know what to do.
i cried bcos IM RESTLESS, I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO.
but that dosen explain that i dont love you anymore.

complicated?
anyway i just came back from swimmingggg and im so tired now.

2009-02-14T16:01:00.005+08:00

The 1st piece of photograph taken.

when u promise me you wont leave me no matter what,
when u told me that u love me so.
when u told me we will go tru ups n down 2gather.
when u told me u promise me u will hold on tight.
when u tell me u misses me.
when u tell me u want to last with me and make our r's go strong n long.
when you always tell me that things will be alrite, u wont betray me cos u love me so.
every words,
every promises.

when human always say, words are just words.
and just look whats happening now.

u said things that cut deep down inside my heart so much,
is bleeding continously and i cant stop myself from crying.
it seems like im sucks in this relationship, every relationship.
ive never shower you with love.
ive never show you that i care fo you.
i never understand you.
ive never been there fo you.
14monthsary is nothing, is a bullshit.
and i just feel so low,
adding to ure gone now.

im hurt when u talk to me, text me like ure forcing ureself too.
and i just feel so low, bcos i know nothing can ever bring u back.
cause i know theres other ladies out there can win ure heart in just one glance.
but not me....
bcos im sucks at this,
im a loser in this r's.

im restless,
and yet now im crying again.
crying again when i feel the pain,
crying yet again when i realise that ure goneeee.
:(

When youre not with me, i feel that im all alone. isit just another goodbye baby?
how could this be? :(

2009-02-14T00:58:00.004+08:00

it have been two days i cant stop myself from crying.
sleepless night ; i cant get over you.
ineed you .
i still need you.
i can sacrificies everything just to be with you.
:(

idk

happy valentine day to everyone.
:(
sadly im nt celebrating it, i dont think tat he will call me up.

2009-02-13T01:10:00.001+08:00

time checked: 110am
and im still waiting.
and this is what ive always been doing.
waiting.
crying.
hurting.
every night.

do u feel me?

2009-02-12T14:01:00.003+08:00

Goodbye to everything,
too much words , too many lies.
i dont want to put high hopes on anything cause i know ive been dreaming so much.
im the one who take things too much.

mum : "dont take things seriously if its just a small matter. If u treasure him than u give in to him. Try ur best to hold this relationship .dont always give up

for once im trying to sit down and take things dgn redah hati.
what dosen meant for me will not gona be mine.
we can only decided things but hanya tuhan yg menentukan nya.

ive done my part.
im sucks in relationship and thats final.

im going far away from things now.
cause it really hits be very very hard.
14monthsary means nothing to you.

2009-02-11T23:08:00.001+08:00

sugar we're going down.

down.

down.

-
-
-
--
-

-
-
-
-
-
-
--
-
-
-
-
-
down.
:(
anyway.can i say i miss the girl upthere.?
No matter how far life brings us too, no matter how ugly our ups n down turn up too deep inside i love her and i do treasure her.
But in times to come, times tell that maybe we aren't meant for each otha.
but ive never puts vulgarities on my babies even tho they hit me very hard till i cried.
(i miss u afah.
and i'll always love yoooooou no matter what.)
:)

Ups and down,
just like what misunderstanding ever occur with me and boyfriend,
with me n my bestfriends.
i still call her bestfriend, and this apply to my baby imah.
when shee leave me, i hate her so muchhhhhhhhhhhh. i feel like killing her, but i know sooner or later we'll always get back together.
and im still counting our 8 years of being so close like sister,
and i really hope that she wont leaveee me again.

& when i say "im back with my bestfriend",
someone asked me this, ": than what about me?:("
and how silly can he be. ?of cos i wont forget my guy bestfriend,
muhd khairul izul shah.
i know him the best.
but maybe fadley know him the best bcos ididnt know that my bestfriend didnt drink plain water unless his very very thirsty.
HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.
khairul : air mane?
me : air sejuk boleh?
fadley: khai mane minum air sejukkkkkkk. dier minum kalau dier betol2 haus je.
me : hahahahaha. ehhh?yeke?abeh air ape?
khai : ini u kate bestfriend?
hahahahahaha. ok sorry bt i really dont know whattt.
:(
my two lovelies.

and of cos i wont forget,
my dearest hometown.
and the used to be close with me: harry and ullie.
Everyone are growing up.
people changing. Friendship are drifting apart , and im really really sad when i see that people started not to botha about this friendship anymore.
even reunion gathering not much wants to attend.
so get what i mean when i say friendship are drifting apart? the power are deaaddddddd you know :(.
and you know how hurt i feeeel? maybe they dont feel it, but i do. Bcos i love them, each and every one of them and ecp the closest to my soul.
How ugly our misunderstanding ever turns out too,
u guys will always be there.

other than my closest guyfriends,
i still have my babygirl too.
my dearest 7sex.
no matter whats happening nowwwwwwwwww.
no matter what had happen recently betwee u both or she or that two or whoever,
i always hope that WE WILL BE BACK.
and BRING THE GIRLS POWER BACK.
unless when everyone agree that , nothing cud bring us back..
the least that we have is all those sweetest memories that we've once shared.
but i hope that wont happen.

and the rest ,
of cause will always be my very goodfriend.
:)

and not to forget,
on top of everything that i have, i got this special someone that i love so much. Sometimes i feel like killing him, sometimes i hate him for wht he have done but i still love him to the marssssssssssssssss(kening naek naek) you know.
but i feel so restless now,
i just feel that he dont need me anymore now.
sigh.
i just feel that he just dont need me anymore.
i just feel that only when he thinks he have a gf than he finds me.
sigh.

but anw now, i just feel so restless. i feel so dissapointed with him, with the news that faliq just broke to me . i just feel that everything is at the losing end now. and im feeling super duper sucks now and i feel like killing people.
maybe you can?
i feel like screaming until i got no voice anymore.
and somehow i feel like crying until i cant cry anymore.
im feeling so fuck up now?
i can feel that my temperature is going
up
up
up
up
and up now.

and my phone haven been ringing till just now.
sigh.

aminah. of cos ure among the bestest that i ever have.
dont be sad when i type everything up there and dont ever think that ive forgotteb you okay my bitch.
:)

im so sad now.
hais.

2009-02-10T21:52:00.005+08:00

i met dearest today and initially plan to meet up at 230pm but end up, i woke up at 230pm on the dot! sorry bebeh , i was late and we went out around 4pm and we're late. hahahahahahaha. we "did"our stuff and than went off to somewhere to slack than meet up dearest bf at hougang with dearest cousin , and to my suprise apit cousin looook so fimiliar and check punye check is like eva boyfriend lor.huhu.and farrahku MY dearest minah.HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. AKU RINDU KAY TO THE CORE OKAYYY AND I CANT WAIT FOR US TO SPEND OUR TIME SOOON :)

hmmmm.

im so lazy to update and, im currently watching isteri untuk suamiku?
huuhuhu and i dont like ALYA . gheeeee.

i miss baby.
:(
and again, happy 14monthsary syg.
yehaaaaa.

:)

outing with old friends that i cherish so much.
:)

KHAIRUL LOOK LIKE A PEROMPAK LOR.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :) :)

THATS ALL.
MWAHMWAH.

2009-02-10T02:25:00.003+08:00

happy 1year 2mth dearest boyfriend.
im dissapointed,
but why?
what shud i do to make things betta?
i had never want to make my love fade, nor to make things drift apart.
ive never put high expectation on him, but i just wants you to sooth my heart, shower me with full of love,
make me feel that i actually someone in ure life.
thats all..
and you know that i love u so much,
i shower u with full of love and love u whole heartedly.

but why?
you seek for freedom.
and you know i cant be apart from you,
and i dont mind u calling me irritating gf.
bcos i know, i did my part to at least to prove you something.

i end up, giving up and tried my best to gave you what u want.
it was hard fo me to give you green light,
it feels as if im letting you go.

and yet i did,.

but i feels so insecure.
i feel so uncomfortable with that way.
bcos im afraid that history will happen once again in my life,
i cant be bother to face every shit again.
and by feeling that way

than, i feel that our love is fading,
we're drifting apart.
and i cried, whenever i feel that way.
and i cried yet again to try my best not to feel this way.

and i asked myself this,
what should i do now?
and i feel as if im already suck in r's.
i just dont know what to do.

i just dont want us to regret when things are already at the end of the sharp point.
bcos there's no point crying over spilt milk.

i am pampered.
when i love someone, i love him and shower him with full of love and pampered.
bcos i dont want to lost a person that ive start loving, and loving so much go away from my life again.
i dont want to feel the pain of heartbroken, but yet again i feel the pain of dissapointment.

i just love you so so much.
but ure different now.
u once promise me that after 'things''are over, we will be back to square one like spending our time and all.
but things are gg to the opp way,
and ure not being who u are.
we are not the used to be us.
why?

and now , im emotionally crying typing this.
im just so sad,
that sometimes i feel that ure even putting me aside.

yes im crying,
but so what/
things are running through my mind now, this and that.
im falling, yet again.

prove me something,
that i actually mean something to urlife.
make me feel that,
''oh my bf love me so much. and i trusted him so i dont need to feel so like uncomfartable that he might be playing behinde my back'.

again,
happy 1yr 2mth love.

i just dont want history to happen again.
let it be the first and the last thing that happen in my life.
not again.
bcos ive start learning not to repeat stupid mistake in my life again.

i love you baby.
you know that i love you so much.

2009-02-09T04:58:00.004+08:00

i met dearest she like yesterday.
omg.
& its so unbelievable.
:)

sometimes i take things as a break.
i hate you when you crash my heart, just everyone.
i'll forgive and take things slowly but i choose not to forget what had ever happen between us and justeverything..
neh, its not that i choose not to forget bcos i simply cant forget what had ever crash myheart .

but i truely understand that,
Everything have their own goooooood and bad times.
and i know whatever happen,
ure still the no. one and i still love you so.
we're just like lovebirds sometimes.
whenever theres no you, no wont be me.
and when people dont see you and me togather , people will know there's someting not right.

what do you expect, a 8 years friendship.
(:

and i realise that some kpo people are reading my blog and tell otha people this and that ah like updating people whats happening in my life.
kpo ah you.
but nevermind.
suits you.
:)

in few hours time i'll be meeting my B.
yesh my baby .
wuhuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.
i miss him so much.
so much.
much much and so much.
but sadly he have soccer tomorrow noon.
:(

2009-02-08T03:15:00.003+08:00

Time checked: 315am
and im having stomach ache and the toilet have been calling me for three times already. And i bloody hate this shit. I think bcos i had too much mix food over at granny 72 birthday party just now at bukit batok plusss i had nasi goreng seafooooood when i reach home. and now, my stomach is realli giving me trouble lor.HELP ME!! :(
anw, i think im changing my url like again soooooooon cos i think its time for me to avoid some people already . :( but im not sure yet whennnn and i think this is like more than 4 times lor ive been changing url. :) and of cos, it will be private. And as you know, im no longer using friendster & tagged for few mths alreadyyy and now i find that im bored with comp cos there's nothing much i can dooo. prfttttttttttttttttttt. Some of my friends ask me to using facebook laaa and all those myspace thingy which ive never ever create'even once before okay cos im used to friendster for few years already and ive been like deleting and creating , deleting and creating it. hhuhuhuhu. and the top reason why i delete my last friendster bcos, i cant afford to fight with B bcos of all those comments and friend request and whatsoever. Its like never ending lorrrrrrr , until i gave up and delete it, gheeeeeeeeee, but b still have his own friendster :( which he dont want to delete it.
but...

nevermind,
bcos i have trust in you and i hope youu wont fail me down lor okay b?:)

i just got back from granny birthday party just now and i was unhappy bcos i have plan actually but im being draggggggggggg to there.And i do have some snapshot pictures with me and all but im just too lazy to upload it. Im not that rajin lor kannnnn like you people who have many many nice pictures in ur post :) SO i dont mind if you think that my blog is boring,so why do u still view it if youuu think so ? huhu.

anyway anyway,
my currently fav song :use somebody (:
wuhuuuuuu.and dear farrell, i bloody hate liars and if i ever caught u lieing la kan than u can just you know, shut urself down and dont bother finding me. i hate tasha, and thats final. i hate her for so many many reason so stop ure drama mama okayyyy . why bother to lie when im ok with it if you were to share with me things even tho u might know im gona blow things off? at least something than LIEING la kannnn. but seriously, i hate liars and that is fullstop.

i miss b so much.
i wanna be in his arms .
and...
i love chase-ing after him after he got out from the bathroom with jst his towel.
i miss b so much.
i want him to layan my manja-manja thingy(awwwwww ._.) and irritates him until i gave up.
i love to play wrestling with him until he make me give up.
i miss laughing and love teasing b when we're on the road.
i love asking him to hussh me to sleep cos he will do whatever until i fall asleep.
i miss car ride, cause we will always argue in the car about either tune-ing into 98.7fm or ria cos i dont like to hear riaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
and whenever the trafic light show red in colour, he will shout CIUMMMMMMMM! and i have to kiss him.lol
and im his gf who will always kiss him and keepon kissing him when im by his side.

and he always tell me this,
irritating girlfriend. The mostttttt irritating girlfriend i ever had.
irritating girlfriend.so irritating.
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

am i?
my b wasen sweet like all those guys who give flowers to their gf but i know my b is sweet in his own ways.

on top of this,i miss muhd fadhli :(

2009-02-07T16:50:00.000+08:00

hello baby.
wuhuuu wuhuuu.
im hungry

2009-02-07T01:10:00.002+08:00

im finally back and my new computer are ready.
(: (:wuhuuuuuu and im back with update.

First and fo all,
im very very very sad about what happen between us, the ladies(which i dont want to mention).
remember all those gerls power that we have, all those great sleepover and everythg?
after one is gone, the other started to make her own way.
and whose next?
and when i hear about she saying that someone will start to meet us like less meeting us, im just so down.
i just feel that the gerls power are dead.
u have time with ure other friends,
while we?just like once in a mth and something.
im just really really really sad.
tell me whats happening,
what u girls feel.
i really miss u girls like fucking lots.
and im just very heartbroken?
sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..

why do great moments go away from people life.
why cant they stayy till you know,
why people change and blablabla.
damn it.
this is super sucks,
sometimes i just hope that i will go away far from everything, far from everyone.
really.

Anyway, i just came back from funan just now to collect this pc with mum (: and had pastamania for dinner and i tell you i dont like it cause i dont like to eat speghetti. and the what chicken what is super spicy lor. ape ke tak, its like chili padi? was burning inside i tell youuuuuu..gahhhh..

baby is sick now.

im just so worried for him you knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww :( i tell you , it have been like few times lor i went to j.e already to meet b. but the long journey super sucks ahhhh. always feel giddy giddy ..
and tomorrow is saturday, and will be celebrating granny birthday over bukit batok.
and first thing i will say is NO TO GAMES. (: and and im so super excited to meet shakz and i miss her sooooooooooooooooooooo much la ni nyah (: and naqq too. lol, story story iye :)

and i dont know what to update already.
im cutting my hair again soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooneh.
hmmmmm.

tag replied :

esha: Hey baby.Im here too!aww..u dun luk fat la deng..N ure getting Hot bebeh!
me : hey baby. i am fat la doink. realli. im not saying like all those skinny people who love to claim they are fat but i am fat now. :( :( hot?ohmyyyyyy.im burning here.lol

Lynn: Haha! Ni Tagboard Macam Starhub Prepaid Card!! Hahaha! Anyway, I Miss You Babe!
me: hahahaahahahah.cb luuu. IMISSYOU TOO BABE!!! :)

ellyl: babe, i already link you. i miss you !!!
me: and u didnt leave me ure link syg.aiyaaaaa..anw, i miss you too. the other day when u text me when ure behind me, how i wish i cud hug uuu .lol but ure far with ure fam eating.huhuh. :)

NANI.: wher u got gain weight. u still look hot as b4. heh.
me : eleeh eleeehhh. but sadly got la babe. :(

till than,
goodnight.

2009-02-01T20:00:00.003+08:00

reply to taggssssss :

isha: loveyou many!
me : and you know i love you too even tho i always didnt tell you out of 10 how much i love you.lol :)

ninie: lynn! helllooo. lame tak jumpe also. u busy with work kn?alamak.. sedeh kape u lost ur bag.. omg. cheer up ok! hope we'll meet up soooooon! (:
me : hahaha yalaa sedih lor bt nemind lor.heheehe.yeayea will meet up soooooonnnnnn kayyy :)

attica: omg! you lost your bag? wah sehh! what luck. but anyws, dnt be careless next time. heheh. tc baby! =
me : yeah babe. what to do. hahahah :) :)

SHAKZ: lost your beg pe? woah kecoh. next time go club bawak haversack. or pouch ke. looool. cheer up ok love. thanks for the small post for me. MEET UP SOON EH PLS. lyb.
me : shut up la b. kau la laen kali g club bawak haversack mesti sexyyyy kannn.ahaha what fuck. will meet u soooon. love u to e mars!! :)

sya: hey.. how are u??.. lame tk nmpk sey.. btw gimme ur emaill.. i private ma blog oreadi..
me : yela lame tk npk abeh slalu will saw u onli if u with fadley mahhh.lol. :)
invite me k . farrahrocher-@hotmail.com :)

FarrahRocher: I TAKNAK MIA LARH SAYANG. IM SICK NOW. ANDBEB, AKU BELOM 18 =((((((((((((((((((((
FarrahRocher: I MISS YOU OL SO MUCHH !!

20 Jan 09, 22:55

FarrahRocher: AND AND FUTHERMORE, I WILL GET MY NEW NO. SOON THIS WEEKEND =) NANTI PAKAI LINE SENANG SIKIT HEHEHE. TAKYA TUNGU TOP UP.
me : yelaaaaaa yelaaaaa. kau belom 18 tunggu 18 la kayyy.haha :) and and plssssss pass me ure no. ASAP. READ DAT? ASAP! :) AND I MISS U LIKE u knowwwwww so much? mwah mwah

Caramelboopz: babe! u unprivate it! woohhoo. ok wth. oh btw i private mine. do drop ur email here ok. =)
me : heyy!! invite me lor kayyyyy!! its farrahrocher-@hotmail.com
leave me ure email tooo!! :) thanks

jaja: helo
me : hello?? :)

amalina: babe , ive moved [; do relink okaey [; tcares
me : heyy will do soooooooonnn!!! tc

khadijah: hello! juz dropping by. hehe. asek nk tuka to private je. haha! invite aku tau!
me : eheheheh.abeh nak invite kau tk tau kasi email kauuu ehhh.alamakkkkk !! :P

kiki: tk npk pon smlm
me: yelaa abeh ramai org mcm mane nak npk. doinkz.

vanoraa: eh babe. story2 lagi jom. hahhahas. best luhs!
me : haahaha.joooom !! :)

roy: i love you! yest was a great night with you! mwahs!
me : bapakkk kauuuu apish.

FYDA: Please put up your archives. I missed out alot.

29 Jan 09, 22:57

FYDA: Asal dtg sini je short post. Alamak, binget jer!
me : alaaa tknk la archives2.heheehehehehehehehehehehehe
:P:P

okay done.
pls invite me at farrahrocher-@hotmail.com okayy for who wanna invite me.
and pls leave me ure email.
thanks darlaa.
:)

2009-02-01T18:35:00.003+08:00

You know once i enter blogger, than idk what to type or update. And than i'll just update what is in my mind and what pictures i have with me, and just post it and done.! and as you know i dont have my computer or lappy with me, i'll start back blogging and msn-ing by this thurs cos the comp will be backkkkkkk soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonn!!! wuhuuuu~.

im putting on weight, and my height still remain. like 1.66cm? and my weight still remain in 56kg la actually and never increase but i just feel that im fat now. my cheeks and everythggggg you know and one thing is that i hate exercise so dont bother asking me toooo.urghhhhh....but nemind, im happy anyway, (:

last two days, went to sheeshaa with isha, khairul, asri and harry. Than apish and amli and friends join after that but than we seperate our tables bcos is so pack already lorrrrr. And apish, ive read the tag that u tag at my blog lor. fucking royyyy.... stop it ehh kauuuu !! cb luuu... !!!! and and the last few days was ecp also and and i just dont know where to go whenever i have to think like,

"niairi nak pegi mane eh?"
yala spore is very boredddddddd. and sentosa now da banyak bangla right.same goes to ecp laaaa like that day. disgusting banglas.

Other than that everything is alrighht.
my relationship was going okayyyyyy (: and i just feel that everything is okay now.
im keeping myself low from everythinggg. if u like it, u stay. if u dont like it u leave. i dont bother anymore, im always flowing thee flowww laa kan. and if u think im like that, that suits you. and if u think im like this than suits youuuuu. you know, just super lazy for everythinggggg :) gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. i wanna club but thanks to my ic. :( so i think that is it, i know its a very boring post. so be it !! :) i promise u, i'll be back to blogging like last time sooooooooooon kayy baby baby ku. heh.

and this are all old pictures :)
take care babies.
mwahmwah.

2009-01-27T19:06:00.000+08:00

hello babies.

happy chinese new year (:

im over at ecp now,

will be back blogging soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon!!

(: (:

mwah mwah!

2009-01-18T20:22:00.007+08:00

Recently some unexpected things happen. Having so much fun until we almost forget everything. And bcos of that , munnie & i lost our fucking beg which consist of ..
her hp, all her cards like atm card ,ic and everything.
same to mine, plus my newly bought ralph lauren perfume,my make up beg and all . and i really dont want to say much bout that cos u know , crying and talking over a spilled milk is no use. And when that shit happen, im just really speechless. Everything was in my head already but getting too pissed off & too should i say SAD?nonono idk how to explain my feelings that time after knowing i lost my fucking BEG really. And i know i gona get all those fucking nagging when i got home the next day .

But afterall, we have fun.
Sorrey to shakz , and farrah that we didnt talk about this plan to you but im sure we people gona have a fucking ladies night after you know. huhuhuhuuuuuuuuu ...soonnnehh okayy :)
and of cos, imah went mia and i dont think is a need for me to find her.
and to you babe, you want this so GOODLUCK!

you know some people can just live with bf or gf without having any friends.
:) what to do, people grow up.
Like my sch mate say, no use of finding people even tho is ur fucking bestfriend for like 8 yr since she decide this.
i dont give a damnnnnnnnn but my life still continue without her.
OF COS!
do i miss her than?
what do you think... :)
anw, i only have this wif me.

This was on the 16th of jan, on friday night than (:
Afah went back to my crib since she sleeep over my house. And to my babygirls, i just feel that you know that time we do have this fishy fishy like feelings in us right but im sure we gona get use to it and thrash all those feelings.. and to my dear farrahrocher , i will never forget this bitch of mine and plss leave me ure fucking no and dont you dare want to mia mia from me ahhhh.

and to my dearest babygirl shakz,
18th of jan.
happy 18th bdae babyyyyyyyyyyy .
You can wat?smoke/club/boozeeeeeee nowwww like finally right.hahaha.anw, may all ur wishes and dreams come to and may u enjoy ure 18th bdae yeahhhhh (:

and on the 16th of january.
happy 19th bdae to my dearest faradila.
you know i know, even tho shit happen i know u did enjoy ure day anddd happy bdae once again bitchhh ! :) :)

anw, sometime too much things to take can really drive someone to crazy.
and ive never look down on people who suffer from depression and etc bcos i truely understand them and their situation.
Every people have their own problem n things to settle down.
Is the matter of how patience you can be and how matured u are to handle things .
im not good in words but i just feel that i dont have that patience shit in me. And i just feel that ive shed to much tears or maybe idk how to handle things by myself when things are really in a mess in my head.
i hope im doing fine and i just wished that i can get out of this shit and justt you know urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
but anw not to worry, i think im fine noww.
:)

My pay is being delay and work is being soooo shitt now.
and i tell you im so fucking pissed about that. bloody fuck.
and you know, i need to do something to my hair.
but i kinda like wavy hair.
but my hair also follow all those mood at times.
sometimes is okay , sometimes its really terrible.
gheeeeeeee...
bt anw im just who i am anw,
i love the way i am and all those people i have.
you have ure right to say whatever shit you want like that person who tag me,

ila : ure 18 but u look like 25?
oh dear. really?:) i cant say much. :)

how ugly i was you gona say,
it really dosen hit me tho.

anw mum,
i just sometimes hope that you can stop repeating the same word again and again to me and asked me the same question again and again cause im afraid that being too stuckk i might just find a solution to stop this and stop what im feelingg inside.
overoll, i know how to handle my life and myself.
how bitch i look u people can say or i am,
i know how to handle myself.
im not a kid anymore mum.
im not a kid anymore dad.
so please .

i just hope everything will STOP.
anddd b4 i end this, i really miss this someone.

im over my friend crib now.
and im running out of time.
take care babies. :)
and oh yeahh, my blog will be back to private sooooooooooooooon.
pls pls pls people leave me ure email yeah if u want to ecp to all my friends.
:)

tag reply :
nura: hahaha.oh yeah thankks eh?hahaha

fyda: ade2 aje tauuu you..mane menghilangg haa! bt anw, tc darlinggg :)

esha: opps sorrey darling, it was a typo. i went over to tp la baby.hehehe.

wannie : haa.enggakkk sikkkkk (:

farrahrocher : u ahhh change here and there laa and like to mia mia ahhh.pls leave me ure new hp no okayy babe and you know i missssss uuuuuuuu so much!!!

nani : hey darling!! im really2 sorrey. i tot i have ure email but do leave me ur mail yeah cause its gona be back to private.and yeahh long to no see or hear ahh.... lols. tc baby!!!!
:)

done!.
mwah mwahh!

2009-01-12T17:37:00.003+08:00

im so so soooo bored now.
currently around hougang point void-deck using kin's lappy.

3 fucking days!!!
wuhuuuuuu.
&& to people who are taking their O level 2dae, gdluckkk eyy syg syg ku like fara,nurul and shakz!! :)

baby, gilera pls rather than r6 kayyyy.
:):)
anw, on saturday went over to TP(sorry) with shakz, two of her friends and isha.
it was sad that the rest of the mighty cant make it and you know it was fucking fun ehhh.

im out of words now.
not active in blogggg.
:(

2009-01-08T16:51:00.002+08:00

Hello babies.
Now im free from job, and im waiting patiencely for my pay!! :) :) wuhuuu.
Blush, blush, blush.
& im meeting farhana on this coming 20th and im so super excited! and you know, the best thing is that we both birthday are on the same date/ 15th april la abehh (:
but she\s turning 21 while im just turning 19.lol.
:)

anyway, life have been pretty fine for me. Im over with stupid things, im on my stupid own track now but now im creating stupid trouble again and i need to be responsible for it. gahhhhhhhhhhhh.. but as you know lifes have always been ups n down . So yeah, mine was like that toooooo but now i somehow feel as if im over the moon. i just dont know why.

:) the other day i met dave, my primary school friend. I think i like saw him somewhere around sengkang la kannnnn. hahahahahahahahaha! *you know i know ahh* hehe. and dave is my primary school friend. and now, he've grown up and im so suprise when i saw him with his super4 and his another bike aprila. omfg. and he's just 18 okayyyyy and he complain that he kena accident recently and now on mc for like 25days. :) i tot he was like a yr older than me you know, but than think back , alaaahhh dekni padehal primary 6 same class dgn aku. gheee. and we talk for a lil while dat time, and i was with shakz.

and omg shakz! i miss her so much.
you know when i was working, i was so bz working until idk what day is today. but i always cant wait for my off day. Working with blush was really super but again, i dont think you need my explanation here.and of cause when im bz working, i dont have my time. i dont have time for my family either and working too long kan, i have this in me. HOME SICK! really okayyy. i still remember, the past few jobs i was working for like fucking 2 week straight okay and i cry at work bcos i miss home. i miss my baby, my sister, my mum dad, sister and everyone. grrrrrrrrrrrrr....
and on top of that, of cause ive been mising my friends.
i dont know when will i be meeting them.
and i realli miss them alot till i dream of them.

and the worse thing is that,
i dream of the stupid ex bf who actually save me from something and reach out for my hand, pull me and say," lets go. run away! lets start our r's freshly and back to square one". wtf right! but when i woke up i tell you, i was like so geli lor to dream of him. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. omg omg omg.and b say," miss him la tuu".

i swear i dont okay.
geli plus irritating.
awwwww...

anyway, now im actually over my neighbour house.
im so bored at home.
and you know sometimes i just wish that i will stop seeing everyone and start back a new life. idk why i think that way, i just dont know. tahhhhhhhhhh eh.i also dont know what im talking here.
but seriously, im too softhearted and cant see people dalam kesusahan in anyway, and too many people have pijak kepale already. But when im trying to tighten those screw, i feel bad also. But my other friends say," u have to do this lynn bcos they all da naek hantu n pijak kepale u already".

so whatever it is,
maybe im born to be with all those idiots la kan.
and you know, im playing games with them now.

i just hope that you people will grow up and think.
but you know , now i see people la kannnn pakai nak lawa2 mahal2 but end up they dont have money in their pocket at all.
duh.

anw, two more days gona be my 1year 1mth with my b.
lol.
b, iloveyou.
:)
and babygirls, meet up soooooooon!!

2009-01-06T22:53:00.000+08:00

im really sad when i walk away from there just now.

fcuk!